All The Cliches Are Taken
by Kayleigh Megan
Summary: I'm like a rubberband, until you pull too hard / I may snap and I move fast / but you won't see me fall apart / cause I've got an elastic heart / I've got an elastic heart / yeah I've got an elastic heart / and I will stay up through the night / let's be clear, won't close my eyes / and I know that I can survive / I'll walk through fire to save my life
1. Chapter 1

_**A special thanks to AlmayCorazon for being the best beta a girl could want!**_

* * *

It was early when I woke up, too early to get out of bed but too late to fall back asleep. I knew that even if I tried to fall asleep again it wouldn't happen because I was just way too nervous and over thinking the next chapter in my life.

I sat up, giving up on the idea of sleep, with butterflies terrorizing my stomach and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm them down. I couldn't help but smile, knowing that I was finally going back to America, back home. A change this big scared and excited me at the same time. It was a big step but I was more than ready. It's been six years since I've been back home and I've missed it so much.

My mind was all over the place, just thinking about all the things that I would do once I landed. There was so much to do, so much to relearn. I felt a pang of sadness though as I sat there gathering my thoughts and looking around my room. For the past six years it had been the place where I went when I needed to be alone and when I needed to cry. This room and this house were definitely my comfort zone. It was hard to imagine that at this time tomorrow I would be in a completely different country living a completely different life.

* * *

The door to my room opened, startling me from my thoughts but I welcomed it. Everything took on a new light when I realized that this was the last morning that I would spend in this room. Dad stood in the doorway with a forced smiled on his face but I could see the nerves practically buzzing through his body. Seeing him like this was weird considering that I had never actually seen him nervous.

"Good morning dad," I said, finally getting out of the bed.

"Good morning, Britt." he said, as he opened his arms. I stepped into his embrace and enjoyed being wrapped up in one of his protective hugs. I would miss this more than anything. "Did you get any sleep?"

"Not really I was too excited," I said, reluctantly pulling away.

"Your mom checked Dylan's suitcase this morning and actually noticed some things missing so you should check yours one last time too," He told me before pulling me into one last hug, kissing my forehead before letting go again.

"I will."

"I'll let you finish getting ready, we're leaving in an hour."

"Okay," I said, trying to stay upbeat as dad closed the door. Nothing could take my excitement away but that didn't mean the sadness wasn't still getting to me a little bit.

* * *

I had just finished getting ready and was in the process of checking my suitcase one last time when there was a knock on the door.

"Come in," I sang out, knowing from the sound of the knock that it was my son. A little version of me walked into the room, looking sleepy but excited. "Are you ready?" I asked, giving him my brightest smile.

"Yes," he said, "I'm waiting for you. Are you ready?" He asked. I kneeled down and hugged him tight.

"I'm almost ready," I said, kissing his face a few times. He smiled back at me as I stood up again to close my suitcase. "Can you go ask Grandpa to help me bring this bag downstairs?"

"Okay," he replied, happy that he could do something for me but then he stood there for a while, staring at me. He looked like he was trying to get his thoughts together and I definitely knew the feeling, so I smiled at him. "What are you thinking about?"

"Mam, will it take long to get there?" he asked, his eyes getting big as he waited for my response.

"No baby, it'll only be an hour," I said. "Grandma and Grandpa are dropping us off remember?"

"Yes," he nodded.

"And then we'll fly on the planes just like I promised. Make sure you give Grandma and Grandpa big hugs today because we are going far away and we probably won't see them for a little while until they come to visit us in a few months." I added and he nodded his head again.

"Okay, I will!" he said, excited that I gave him a mission.

"Don't forget to ask Grandpa to help me, okay? Go ahead downstairs; I'll be right behind you."

* * *

"Be careful? And call me as soon as you can, okay?" Mom muttered close to my ear as she hugged me so tightly that I could hardly breathe. I nodded my head and looked over to dad who was holding Dylan in the same kind of tight hug.

They were going to miss us as much as we were going to miss them but they had insisted that I not worry about them, that I follow my dreams and so that's what I was going to have to do, even if seeing them like this made my chest hurt. I smiled and put on my best brave face, not wanting Dylan to pick up on any sadness that I had. This was an adventure and I wanted him to be as excited about it as I was.

"I already told you I will call you every chance that I get and I promise. I want to give dad a hug before I go," I giggled when she squeezed me one last time before finally letting me go. I was going to miss her so much. She helped me through so much in the past couple of years and I even though I could still call her for her guidance and advice. I knew that hugs like this wouldn't be as easy to come by. "I love you." I whispered, feeling a tear come to my eye before quickly wiping it away.

"I love you too baby girl." She said.

I turned towards dad, who was still holding Dylan and kept my brave face. The hardest part of all of this was taking my son from the only family he really knew. Right now, he wasn't feeling it but I knew that once we were thousands of miles away, Dylan would feel homesick. It was going to be tough to deal with and so I had to allow him this.

"Dylan, want to give Grandma a big hug, too?" I asked him and his eyes lit up. He nodded and held out his arms to her until she took him and wrapped him up tight. Dad turned to me and pulled me into a hug, holding on to me just as tightly as mom just had.

"I love you dad," I whispered and I could feel him take a deep breath. He was trying to be brave too. That's where I had learned it from.

"I love you too baby. You'll make sure to call regularly?" He asked and I nodded. Keep in constant contact was one of the things I'd promised him a thousand times already but I didn't complain because I knew that he just needed to hear that I was going to be okay and I didn't mind promising him or at least telling him what ever he needed to believe that.

"I will and I'll make sure that I don't call in the middle of the night." He chuckled and then pulled back. "I'll text and Skype too, okay?"

"Okay," he nodded, " Don't forget about us while you're living your dream there...and make sure that we have a place to stay when we visit, okay?" he grinned at me and I laughed.

"I will." I told him.

Mom put Dylan to his feet and smiled at me with tears in her eyes. I knew that she wouldn't let them fall until I was out of sight, even though I was okay with it, so I just smiled at her and held out my hand to Dylan. "You ready, schat?"

"Yes," he nodded his head to emphasize and I smiled. I could see that he was tired already but he didn't complain and I was proud of him.

"Okay then. I'll text you guys when we settle into the plane okay?" I told my parents one last time, my mom nodded and my dad stood just behind her rubbing her back. They would be alright and I knew that they were proud of me. It was what helped make this easier.

"Okay, go. We love you both." my mom said, as she blinked back tears again. She smiled at me sadly before she gently pushed me.

I squeezed Dylan's hand and we both waved at my parents. Dylan smiled really big and called back to them as we started to walk away.

"Ik hou van jullie!"

* * *

As Dylan and I walked to the gates that were the first of many barriers between us and my parents, I took out our passports, not wanting to look back again. The guard let us pass after he checked our passports manually and I squeezed Dylan's hand once more.

"Everything looks fine. Have a good flight," he said with a smile and I smiled back before taking a couple of steps and then looking up. There were stores all around us and when I looked down at Dylan I could see his surprise.

"Wow, Mam."

"I know it's a lot right? Hold on a second okay, I have to check what gate we need to be at. I don't want to get us lost," I said as I put my hand on Dylan's shoulder.

"We won't get lost. You have everything in your pocket and we have to be at gate 12." He told me as he pointed at my jacket.

"Right! You're such a smart boy, Dylan." I said as I pulled out the papers and checked them just to be sure. When I put them back and looked at Dylan and I could see the way he was trying to take everything in. "Looks like a different world huh?"

"Yea." he said breathlessly.

"Come on, let's get going." I said urging him on by gently pushing against his shoulder. We made our way through the hall and both kept looking around at everything there was to see; it was all so shiny and big.

I shifted my heavy bag onto my other shoulder and let us toward the gate, which was pretty hard because the signs confused me but Dylan helped me and we found it eventually.

My parents had told me and Dylan that there would be another check where they'd check your bags then we would go through a body scan but that it was just a part of the adventure. We made sure to tell Dylan as much as we could so that he wouldn't be frightened by some of the rules of flying.

Turns out, I was the nervous one as I fought the urge to bounce up and down. Even though I knew that they were going interview me to find out why I was going to America, I still worried that I would say the wrong thing. I was always the person asking questions but it was rare that I actually had to answer them. The idea of having someone interview me made me nervous but both my parents did their best to prepare me all week.

The nerves were zipping through my body but I tried to hide it for Dylan as we joined the line but I was sure he could feel my nervousness when he squeezed my hand and smiled up at me. I smiled back at him and for a minute the nerves disappeared.

* * *

I followed the signs to where we were supposed to board and sat down after I had put my bag on the floor, relieved that the interview part was over and I could relax. Dylan was beginning to look restless, refusing to sit down at first, choosing instead to walk around for a while. I kept smiling at him as I rechecked our bag, happy when he finally sat down next to me.

"Are you scared baby?" I asked him, noticing the way he just couldn't seem to sit still.

"No," he said quickly and shook his head. I smiled at him and then looked up and around me, wondering how much time was left before we were called to board.

I knew that once he was on the plane, he would relax and we could both begin our adventure but until then, I had to keep him as calm as possible.

Ever since I woke up the butterflies had been a constant and I wondered when they were going to disappear. I could only imagine how Dylan felt because it was his first time flying and it was going to be a fifteen hour flight.

"We will be on the plane before you know it, how about we plan a game while we wait?" I said, thinking of one of the airport games my dad used to play with me when I was a kid.

"Okay." He said, letting out a sigh. "What are the rules?"

"Okay, we pick a color and see how many people we spot wearing it. The one with the highest number wins."

He looked excited and soon forgot all about his nerves as he pointed at every person he saw wearing red.

* * *

After half an hour of waiting they started calling for us to board and I stood, lifting my bag on my shoulder before taking Dylan's hand in mine. The line was getting long but luckily we were practically in front so we didn't have to wait very long. I led Dylan though the walkway and felt the butterflies intensify.

"It's cold here." Dylan said in awe. I grinned at him and almost bumped into the person in front of me in the process.

"It's going to be even colder on the plane when we're flying." I said.

The line moved quickly and before I knew it we were on the plane, looking for our seats.

"Would you like me to put that in the overhead for you?" someone asked and I turned to the person and shook my head.

"No thank you," I said, doing my best to pay attention to my son. He was looking around like he was lost but I just kept smiling and helped Dylan get settled in his seat. I was relieved when I finally sat down next to him, shoving the bag under the seat in front of me.

"If you don't want to have a window seat we can switch baby," I told Dylan when I noticed him looking out the window, nerves on his face still.

"It's okay," he said.

"You're so brave." I said, ruffling his hair and he smiled big.

"I know."

I chuckled before turning to watch the people that were walking around trying to find their seats and putting their bags in the overhead compartments. This was really happening. I remembered just then and pulled out my phone, quickly writing out a text to my parents..

**We just boarded and Dylan is being so brave! –Brittany**

**Okay! Have a safe flight! –Mom**

**We love you. –Dad**

I turned my phone off, not wanting to be the reason the plane couldn't take off and turned back to Dylan. He was focused on watching the happenings outside and I smiled at the sight of him–his wide eyes and his mouth open slightly, his nerves practically washed away.

I hoped he would feel the same way on the flight to Miami because that one was going to be at least eight hours and that was a long time for a five year old. I think even I would be sick of flying at the end of the day. It was going to be a long day but I knew what came next and I was ready for it.

* * *

It took a while before everyone was seated and then the stewardesses started giving the flight instructions.

"Pay attention Dylan," I said and he nodded, doing as he was told without hesitation. I knew it wouldn't matter because he would forget everything in no time but I needed him to know that if he was going to fly, he was going to have to pay attention to the instructions the stewardesses were always going to give. It was all a part of the adventure.

I handed Dylan gum before I popped a piece of gum in my mouth just before the plane took off toward the ramp. We both chewed with excitement and I couldn't help but grin at the light in Dylan's eyes. I loved flying even though it hurt my ears and it felt like my head was going to explode and I wanted him to love it just as much.

"Here we go!" I said with a smile and Dylan giggled.

* * *

The flight to London was over before we knew it and I could see Dylan's disappointment as we made our way through the walkway.

"We are going to fly some more Dylan and this time it's going to be longer okay?" I said to him.

"Okay. I really liked it," he told me and I smiled at him.

"We have to walk for a little and stretch our legs and then we get to fly again so make use of this time. We will be sitting for a long time." I told him and he grinned and stretched his arms over his head. "Let's keep walking, baby. We don't want to miss our flight."

The London airport was huge because it had a couple of different halls for all the flights that arrived and left. I had gotten a folder at Schiphol to show me where I needed to go and I think we were lucky that we didn't have to leave the hall we had arrived in.

The folder said that some of the halls were so far away that you'd have to take the bus to get there but Dylan and I only needed to walk for half an hour and after another body scan and bag check, I was glad to be able to sit down while we waited.

"What happens now?" Dylan sat down next to me and leaned against my shoulder.

"Now we wait to board the flight to Miami," I said and I could feel him nod against my shoulder. "Are you sleepy?"

"A little," he replied.

"Close your eyes for a bit...you can sleep all you want in the plane too," I told him.

Dylan relaxed against my shoulder as I checked my phone and then played a game. I hoped that he would be able to sleep on the plane but I'd never been able to so, I didn't expect too much of it. When I looked up I could see that people were getting on a bus and I grinned.

"Dylan, we're going to board," I said. "They are bringing us to the plane by bus."

Dylan lifted his head and watched as one bus left while another arrived to pick up more people. There was an old couple waiting for the next bus and Dylan and I joined them. The woman looked at me and then at Dylan and she smiled.

"Is he yours?" she asked.

"Yes he is," I said with a smile.

"He's precious," she said, "I didn't expect this to take as long as it is."

"Thank you and I know, I didn't either," I replied.

"Oh there's the next bus...we're practically the last ones," the older woman said as she and her husband moved outside into the warmth. I took Dylan's hand and followed the older woman and then took a deep breath of fresh air.

"Be careful, Dylan." I said as Dylan took a step forward. He returned to my side and we waited for the doors to open. When they did we quickly got on and stood in the front of the bus.

"How long is it going to take to get to the plane?" Dylan asked.

"I don't know baby," I said.

"Oh, okay."

* * *

As it turned out it took almost twenty minutes to get to the plane and I was glad that we didn't have to wait in line to find our seats. We were lucky because we had two front seats even though that meant that I had to accept that if anything happened I had to be a hero.

Four hours into the flight and Dylan was fast asleep after watching a movie. I just listened to some music with the headphones provided and read one of the books I'd brought.

When the stewardesses with beverages came I asked for two bottles of water and a juice box and put them on the tray in front of me. They would be back with food soon but I didn't know what it would be and I wasn't looking forward to eating the plane food.

"Mam?"

"Yea?" I turned toward Dylan and watched him as he rubbed his eyes.

"Are we almost there?" he asked.

"Halfway baby," I told him and he moaned. "They're going to bring us food soon. Do you want to watch another movie?"

Normally I wouldn't let him watch TV more than two hours a day but this was a special day and I didn't know how I was going to entertain him for four hours straight with nothing to do but read or watch movies.

"Yes." he said and I helped him pick out a movie to watch. Once he was focused on that I went back to my reading and hoped that the remainder of the flight would go faster.

* * *

I'd never been to Miami airport and I felt lost as I tried to navigate through the halls. Even though he had never been, Dylan was good at keeping me calm and helping to find our plane. The process was the same as in London and again I was happy when we were finally boarding for the last part of the flight.

"In about an hour we're going to be in Gainesville," I told Dylan. "And then we're going to be at our new home, okay?"

"Okay mam," he said with a nod and then he yawned. It had been a long day and the time differences weren't helping any. He had only slept for an hour on the plane and normally he would already be in bed.

When the plane had taken off and we were flying steadily, I lifted him out of his seat and held him tight. He had always slept better with the blankets wrapped tightly around him and I was just trying to give him that feeling so that he could at least sleep for a little while.

Dylan fell asleep in my arms and I could breathe again.

* * *

_**Tell me what you think? Thanks!**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**My beta is the best. Thanks A! And thanks to the people who put this story in their favorites and alerts. Julzy, your answer is in here.**_

* * *

"'Cedes!"

Before I could stop him Dylan ran toward my best friend and I smiled as I pushed my weight against the cart. Just moments before his ambush of Mercedes, he had looked like he would fall asleep standing up but the moment he saw another familiar face, all of that seemed to disappear and I couldn't blame him. My heart was racing as I watched Mercedes stand to her feet with Dylan in her arms. A weight was lifted off of me knowing that her acceptance of my son existed in person and not just over the internet. I felt tears coming to my eyes and I didn't waste another second, I abandoned the cart and hugged her as tight as I could even though she was still holding my son.

"Mam! Too tight!"

I pulled away just enough to allow Dylan some wiggle room and looked into the eyes of the best friend who I had not seen in person for almost six years. Mercedes looked back at me and any nerves about the distance between us faded away. Tears were in her eyes too but she seemed not to be bothered by them. I felt a lump in my throat at seeing her and being able to receive the kind of comfort that only a best friend can give.

"Hey 'Cedes," I muttered and I watched her lip quiver. Dylan was thankfully nice enough to stay quiet in our shared moment. I wiped at my eyes and whispered to her. "I've missed you so much," She grinned at me and then pulled me back against her, both of us soaking up the comfort of being together again. Dylan began to squirm but Mercedes continued to hold on tightly for just a moment longer.

"'Cedes! You're squishing me!" Dylan said through a laugh. Mercedes squeezed me one last time before letting me go and looking at me with the biggest grin.

"I missed you too." She said. "Now let's get moving, I think we're creating traffic."

I looked behind us and sure enough, everyone was grumbling as they made their way around my cart.

"I guess we should go then."

* * *

Even though I had been sitting for an eternity on all of my planes, sitting in Mercedes big SUV felt like heaven. She turned on the air to keep out the muggy humidity that I had missed just as much as I had missed Florida. I looked back at Dylan and could see him staring out the window in a daze as we zipped down the highway.

"How were your flights? You both kinda look like crap," she said after a moment while she navigated through the traffic.

"Thanks, then I look how I feel. The flights were okay," I told her, "Dylan was being super brave." I watched as Mercedes leaned back and ruffled Dylan's hair, while we waited at stop light. Dylan leaned out of her reach and she let out of the biggest laugh before focusing on the road again.

"That's good," she said. "So you are feeling okay?"

"Yea, as good as I can feel after hours of flying."

"Oh."

"What, did you have plans for us?"

"I actually thought that once we got home we could go out for dinner, my treat," she added.

"Sounds good, I'm just worried that Dylan is going to end up falling asleep."

"Yea that's why we're going out. He needs to adjust to the time difference and keeping him moving will keep him awake. You've done this before, it might be a little bit easier for you but you look just as tired so going out for a little bit will keep you awake long enough to get a little settled. Don't you think?" she asserted and I nodded. I was too tired to argue because she was right of course.

"Is Colin going to be joining us?" I asked and she looked away. "He is isn't he?" I said, poking her side. She side-glared at me and then grinned.

"Yea he is," she giggled and I could almost see her blush.

"So this thing with Colin is serious, right?" I asked before checking on Dylan, who was half asleep as he continued to take in the world outside his window.

"It might be."

"Yea?"

"Let's just focus on getting home first?" She said, changing the subject. "He can take the bags up to your rooms for you guys so you don't have to lug them up the stairs." Mercedes said quickly, hoping that I wouldn't ask anymore about Colin.

"Okay," I said with a knowing smile, I would get more out of her later but for now; I would let the subject drop. I knew that she was into him and now, I was even more curious to see what kind of guy could have Mercedes blush by just talking about him.

* * *

When Mercedes led us inside her house, I could hear Dylan gasp in awe. The house was big and spacious; everything about it screamed Mercedes and home. I remember the first time I saw our home in the Netherlands; I had been surprised to see the differences in the houses there compared to what kind of houses there were in America. The size of Mercedes' house was impressive and for a second I wondered how she could pay for all this but then I let it go. It didn't really matter, as long as I had a place to call home while I built a new life for me and Dylan. All the other details weren't as important.

I watched Dylan as he explored the living room and smiled before I turned to Mercedes.

"I think he approves," I said and she chuckled.

"I'm glad," she said. "Why don't you go ahead and get freshened up and when Colin gets here I'll have him take the suitcases up to your room." she added. I let adjusted my shoulder bag and then turned to her with a smile.

"Okay but can I just-" I said before she could walk away and I hugged her properly this time. She rubbed at my back and once again, I had to hold back the urge to cry. I held on to her for a while and I could feel myself relax as she continued to soothe the unspoken fears away. "I really, really missed you."

"I missed you too, Britt," Mercedes said softly. I nodded and took a deep breath, enjoying the fact that I could hug my best friend again after so long. I could tell that she understood because she didn't move until I did and even then she looked like she was willing to hug me longer.

"Okay I'm going to get ready." I said while looking at her, wanting another hug but not pushing away the urge. She nodded her head but neither of us moved until I shook my head and smiled.

"There are extra towels in the bathroom, do you need anything else?"

I looked down at the changes of clothes that I had pulled out of the suitcases before we came inside and then back at Mercedes with a shake of my head.

"Nope, I'm okay." I felt a little guilty but the moment passed when I heard footsteps coming up behind me. A small hand touched my side and I looked down into knowing eyes. They say a child can sense their parents' pain and any sadness and that has always been true of my son.

"Ik hou van je." He whispered, rubbing at my side and once again, my smile was back.

"I love you too, Dylan. Now, let's take a shower."

"Okay," he said, as he took my outstretched hand.

* * *

The doubts and fears that had entered my mind before my shower were gone by the time that I had gotten Dylan and I washed and dressed. There would be time to address all the pain that had sent me thousands of miles away in the first place.

My parents had done their best to shelter me from it but now I was back and I was ready to begin my life without fear or regrets. I wanted to be a good example for my son and that started with this big step. I wanted him to be proud of me and I wasn't going to let anything stop me from that.

Sometimes taking a step back and allowing your mind time to catch up with your heart is all you need.

This new journey would have its trials but I was ready for them.

* * *

I could hear his voice before I saw him, which made me grateful that I had already gotten dressed in the bathroom before I walked into my new bedroom. Mercedes was showing Colin where the suitcases belonged and Dylan was just behind them, holding onto a smaller bag, looking proud of himself for being so strong.

"Look, Mam! I carried this all by myself!"

"Wow! Good job, schat!" I said, ruffling his hair before turning towards the other two people in the room.

"Hi," I said, just as Mercedes took a breath to say something. "You must be Colin? I'm Brittany." I didn't know whether to hug him or not, so I chose the safer option and held out my hand.

Colin smiled and shook it, happily.

"It's so nice to finally meet you Brittany. I've heard so much about you!"

I took a step toward Mercedes who smiled brightly at us. I hugged her from the side and then looked at Colin. He was exactly how Mercedes described him. He was tall, dark and handsome and then some. He had the most beautiful grey eyes I'd ever seen. I could see why she was so smitten with him.

"It's nice to meet you too, Colin," I said, as he looked me over with a smile. "I see you've already met my son, Dylan?"

"Yea, he's a great little guy and he's super strong too." Colin smirked.

I looked down at my son and could see that he had disappeared.

"Where is Dylan?" Mercedes asked, looking around the room.

For just a moment, I panicked but then I realized that he couldn't have gone far. I walked to the next room and stopped in my tracks at the sight of him. He had opened his suitcase without any help but he was so tired that he was actually asleep on his clothes.

I grinned and snapped a quick picture, knowing that my parents would get a kick out of it before I kneeled down and laid my hand on his back.

"Dylan...baby wake up," I said as I shook him gently. He muttered something and then opened one eye. "We're going out for dinner."

"I don't wanna," he moaned and I smiled at him. "I'm tired."

"You can go to bed after okay? We just need to stay awake a little longer," I told him and he nodded. I held out my hand and after getting up he took it.

"Can you carry me?" He said, not moving an inch.

It was rare that I actually picked up my son these days, he wanted to be seen as a big boy but when he was this tired, he returned to being my baby again. The moment he was in my arms, his head was on my shoulder and I could hear his breathing slow.

"Try to stay awake, schat."

"Uhhuh." He mumbled.

By the time I made it down the steps, Dylan was asleep again but I kept bouncing him to wake him back up.

"He looks super tired," Mercedes said. "Maybe you should let him walk a bit?" She said, trying not to push to hard. I knew she was right and I knew that I should, but holding him with all those feelings still swimming under the surface was soothing me more than I cared to admit.

"Okay, Dylan, once we get out of the car again, you'll have to walk on your own. Okay?"

Dylan nodded his head before putting his thumb in his mouth and his head back on my shoulder. I bit my lip, not wanting to say anything about that bad little habit that used to drive my parents crazy. Right now wasn't the moment to scold my son because I knew that he was only doing it because he was tired and I also knew that he didn't do it very often. He was just never this tired.

"Let's go," I said, "I'm kind of hungry."

* * *

We went to a little Italian restaurant called Francesca's Trattoria that smelled a lot like the places that I had visited back in the Netherlands.

"This looks like a good place." I said, as I held a sleepy Dylan's hand. He rubbed at his eyes but he stayed quiet and close to my side as he stumbled along like a zombie.

"I found out about this place a while back," Mercedes said with a grin as we took our seats. "I've wanted to come back but I never seemed to have the time but this was a good occasion for it. Only the best for my bestie!"

"It looks really good," I said as I examined the menu. Dylan rested against me but I nudged him until he sat up. "Dylan, what do you want to eat?" I asked him and he looked up with eyes half open. I could hear Mercedes and Colin express their awe at how cute he was and tried not to roll my eyes, all kids are cute when they are half asleep. Let's see how cute they think he is when he has one of his fits.

"Pizza," he muttered after a moment.

"Pizza it is," I replied with a nod, "I'll have pizza too."

"Pizza? Seriously? Come on, guys, you can get that anywhere," Mercedes said.

"All of this stuff on the menu I can get everywhere, 'Cedes. There was a little Italian restaurant in Gouda where we ate regularly," I told her with a grin. She smiled back at me and then turned to Colin. The sparkle in her eyes was back the moment she looked at him and I knew she was really serious about this guy.

"I'm getting pizza too and don't tell me I can get it anywhere," he said, smiling at me before he turning back to gaze all lovey dovey at Mercedes. She rolled her eyes and then put her menu down.

"I'll have pizza." she muttered, when the waitress came to take our order. We all started laughing as the waitress walked away, even Dylan seemed to catch on. Mercedes was a good sport about it and just winked at me before shrugging. "I didn't want to be the only one eating something else."

"Right," Colin said with a wink. He turned toward me and hesitated a moment before striking up a conversation. "So you lived in Gouda? Is that where they make the cheese?"

"They make cheese all over the world but yes, I guess that where Gouda cheese is made or at least where it comes from." I said. "I lived near Gouda though not in."

"So where are you from? Do they make cheese there too?" He asked with a wide eyed smile.

For every question that I asked him, Colin would ask question back and not just to me but to Dylan, helping to keep him awake and entertained. We talked the entire time that we waited for our pizza because Colin was very curious about everything that I had ever seen or done. I liked people who wanted to know everything there was to know because I felt the same way.

After dinner we walked around a bit to keep Dylan awake and even bribed his eyes open with ice cream. During the ride back to the house, Dylan began to doze off again but then I got him to play another game with me and he seemed to play along without being too grumpy. Thankfully.

* * *

"Arms up," I said as I helped Dylan get ready for bed. He lifted his arms and I pulled his shirt over his head. "When you wake up tomorrow you're going to feel so much better."

"Okay," he said sleepily. He yawned and I followed soon after.

"Hey, you're making me sleepy too!" I said before tickling at his stomach. He pushed my hands away and shook his head.

"No." He grumbled.

"Okay, okay, not tickling."

He nodded and then gave me a smirk that reminded me of my mother, who I had forgotten to call. I slapped my palm to my forehead and Dylan's eyes shot open.

"What?" He asked.

"I forgot to let Grandma and Grandpa that we got here." I said, trying to add up the time difference in my head and figuring out that they would already be in bed.

"Text them." He mumbled as he lay back in his bed and stared at me with glassy eyes.

"You're right, I will."

"Okay."

"Do you want me to read you something?" I asked him even though I knew the answer already.

"No," he muttered as sleep began to finally take over.

"Okay baby. Good night and we will Skype Grandma and Grandpa in morning." I said as I peppered his face with kisses. He hardly reacted to them and I knew that he would be asleep within seconds after I left his room. "Slaap lekker."

"Lekker," he muttered and I smiled as I kissed him one last time on his forehead before I left the room, leaving the door open just a crack so that Dylan wouldn't feel alone.

* * *

I should be tired but the heaviness seemed to be coming back and knowing that I forgot to call my parents made it worse. There was no way that I'd fall asleep just yet.

I sat down at the table and leaned my head on it for a moment, the feeling of being awake for almost an entire day weighing on my shoulders. I was exhausted but I was sure that I wouldn't be able to sleep even if I tried. Mercedes hovered by the stove, watching me for a moment before actually saying anything.

Even though we were close, this was still new territory for us and she didn't want to overstep, something I understood completely.

"You okay?" Mercedes asked, putting a glass of water in front of me, while sipping at her own drink which I was sure wasn't water.

"Yea," I muttered before I lifted my head up and smiled at her. "I'm just too exhausted to sleep." I said. I took a sip and sighed.

"So how does it feel being back in America?" she asked. "Are you nervous to begin this new chapter?"

"It feels like coming home after a long vacation – I miss my parents a lot already but I'm really glad to be home." I said and she chuckled.

"I bet." she said.

"I'm also kind of nervous but I think it's going to be okay...I want all to be okay. I mean, I feel kind of guilty for taking Dylan away from the only home he's ever known but that couldn't be the reason that I stayed."

"He's young and he will adjust to the distance from your parents. There are so many way for him to keep in touch, I mean look at you and me. We made it work, right?" Mercedes said with a smile.

Relief washed over me a little. "Yea."

"And he seemed like he enjoyed himself tonight, you were at ease and so was he. Even though he was exhausted, seeing you be calm helped him to be the same way."

I nodded, realizing just how true Mercedes words were and felt a smile cross my lips.

"I was so proud of him during the flight and the transfers. He helped me and was completely calm most of the time. I, on the other hand almost had a few panic attacks." I said and Mercedes laughed.

"I can imagine."

* * *

A silence filled the kitchen and just like sixth sense, I kind of expected it. I watched as Mercedes' face turned serious and I watched as she worked through her thoughts.

"So tell me how you're really feeling."

I stared at her for a moment before I shrugged, knowing just what she wanted to hear.

"I'm nervous about being here again and having to do this without my parents to help me. It's...they've always been there for me and more so when Dylan was born. I know they worked really hard to make sure that I could finish school and get my diploma and now I have to do it alone or at least without their help and that scares me a bit."

"You know that you're not alone, right? I'm going to help you whenever you need it." Mercedes said.

"I know but it's different because they are my parents and you're my best friend."

"I get that but you need to start realizing that we are family, Britt. No matter what." she said with a nod.

"I needed to hear that more than you know."

* * *

"Did moving there help?"

"I guess," I said with a shrug as we made our way to the bottom of the stairs. "I mean, I needed a change of scenery especially after..." I shook my head and tried to swallow the lump in my throat. "It was hard and I think that had I stayed there I would've maybe been content...but nothing more."

"So moving back here you think you're going to be happy?" she asked. I thought about that for a moment and then nodded my head.

"It's a new start and I intend to make the best of it, I am going to work so hard to be happy and to make sure that Dylan is happy," I said.

"Dylan is happy, Britt," Mercedes smiled. "I think he's a very happy little boy."

"I know and I want to make sure that he gets everything he needs. I love him and I want the absolute best for him," I told her as I got to my bedroom door. She watched me for a moment and then took my hand in hers and squeezed.

"I'm glad you're here, Britt."

"Me too 'Cedes," I said with a bright smile. "I think that we're going to have a lot of fun."

I leaned closer and wrapped my arms around her in a tight hug.

"I'm sure of it," she replied as she rubbed her hand over my back. "I'm here for whatever you need okay? Even if it's just a hug."

"I know 'Cedes and I love you for it...thank you, the same goes for you, you know? I'm here whenever you need me. Good night 'Cedes."

"Good night Britt."

* * *

_**Tell me what you think? Thanks!**_


	3. Chapter 3

_**Sorry for the delay! It took me a while to get this right. Special thanks to my awesome beta! **_

* * *

It was early, the warm Florida air danced around me as I held tightly to my son's hand. Today was the beginning of a new life for us both and I was feeling a bit nervous as I watched my surroundings, making it a point to remember the names of the streets so that I could find my way back home after work. It was amazing to me that I had actually made a dream my reality.

A year ago, I never would have thought that being back home was possible but now as the three of us walked toward campus, Dylan chattering endlessly, it seemed like fate had stepped in. My mind began to wander as we walked and at that moment, I was thankful that Mercedes only lived two blocks from the school, minimizing the ability to get lost on the way back.

Before I had Dylan, everyone always called me scatterbrained and even though I've become more responsible, it's still easy for me to lose focus when I have a lot on my mind. Dylan let out a huge laugh and I could see that Colin was just as amused as they continued their conversation about football.

I was really grateful that Colin had offered to walk with us, since he would be on campus anyway because he had football camp all day, knowing how I get distracted, I had accepted without hesitation. I felt lucky to have Colin around so that Dylan and I wouldn't get lost. Once again fate had stepped in. It seemed that the universe was making up for the last time that I was in Florida.

* * *

Dylan held Colin's football under his arm while he continued to ask questions about the game. Colin seemed really excited to have someone to talk sports with, which I'm sure he's lacking since I know for a fact that Mercedes is completely not interested in football, other than maybe singing the national anthem one day.

"Do you think I could play?" Dylan asked as we slowed down in front of a building.

"Sure little buddy, there are football teams for kids your size and if you start now, by the time you're my age you could be the best there is."

My son's eyes got wide and I knew immediately that he wasn't going to let this go. I smiled as the thought of Dylan in a football uniform crossed my mind. The idea of him running around and possibly getting hurt scared me but I wouldn't stop him from doing it if that's what he really wanted. I had learned from my parents that I should let my son explore his dreams.

That's what moving home was all about and if I could live my dream, Dylan sure as heck would live his.

"If you want me to show Dylan the ropes, teach him a bit of the football basics the next time I come over, I can do that."

"Really?!" Dylan squeeled, his hand squeezing mine as he bounced up and down, filled with excitement about the prospect of getting to play. "Mam, is that okay?" He said, his pleading wide eyes looking up at me. I smiled down at him and nodded before glancing at Colin with a grin.

"Yea, I'd rather have you teach him than my trying to teach him myself. I don't know anything about football." I said. Colin let out a surprised laugh before he looked at me.

"You grew up here right?" Colin asked.

"Yea but I never watched the guys when I went to a football game. I watched the cheerleaders. I wanted to be one," I grinned.

"Right, well maybe you should try out. Goodness knows our cheerleaders could use the help." Colin said with a smirk. "Okay, I'm going to go – training starts in ten."

"Thanks for walking with us." I said.

"You're welcome." He looked at Dylan with that bright smile. "I really enjoyed talking with you little guy," he said. "Have a great day, you guys!" Colin said. "You can hold onto that ball if you want, we can play catch when I come by later. How's that sound?"

Dylan looked at me and then back at Colin.

"Awesome! Thank you!"

"No problem! See ya."

After we had watched Colin walk away I took Dylan's hand and led him inside the building.

* * *

The office building was a big, open space and from what I could tell, was practically empty since it was summer and there weren't many classes taking place, which I had expected. Dylan held tightly to my hand, when we walked off of the elevator on the fourth floor. He held tight to the football, a smile still on his lips. At the end of a long hallway there was a black door with silver letters that said University Counseling Services.

"This is it, remember what I said about being on your best behavior, right?" I asked Dylan as we stood just outside the door.

"Yes, Mam."

"Ready?" I asked him before pushing the door open and he nodded.

"Yep."

When we stepped through the door, I couldn't help but smile. The space seemed open and comfortable, just how a counseling office should be. We stepped past the waiting area that had a television and chairs lined up in two rows on my left. On my right there was an empty reception desk and then just behind that there were four cubicles in the center of a space. Straight ahead there were six doors, all closed except for one.

I went to knock on the open door when it opened further and a short woman, her skin a light bronze, that came from a lot of tanning and her hair a dark brown that looked black came strolling out with files in her hands.

"Hi, I'm Brittany." I said and her head popped up, she smiled at me and at Dylan, as if she was expecting us to be standing there.

"Hey, there. Its nice to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

"Good stuff, I hope?"

"Only good stuff."

"Score." I said and she smiled even bigger, her dimples standing out.

"Miss Davis told me you'd be in today and since she vacationing in the Caymans it's my responsibility to make sure you get settled. Who's this little guy?" The woman leaned down and smiled at Dylan. He hid behind me and held onto my leg as he pushed his head into my side. I shook my head and tried to push him beside me again but he wouldn't budge.

"He's a little shy," I told her. "This is my son Dylan."

"That's okay, my nephew is the same way." she stood to her feet and held out her free hand. "I'm Lisa, associate counselor."

"It's nice to meet you." I said with a smile. She inclined her head and gathered her thoughts.

"Same here."

"Is it okay that Dylan's here? I haven't gotten him set up with daycare yet." I asked, not wanting to set a bad impression on my first day.

"That kind of thing is fine in the summer, the campus is empty and there aren't many students coming in for counseling. We can set him up in an empty cubicle and as long as he's quiet there shouldn't be a problem."

"Okay, thank you! He will be in school during the semester so this shouldn't be a regular thing."

"Good."

Lisa led us behind the reception desk, into the cubicle area. The walls were lined with filing cabinets and there was a door in the very back that said ARCHIVES. Dylan looked around but was otherwise quiet as we stopped at an empty desk in the back.

"This is your cubicle; feel free to decorate it however you like. You can play music on a low volume during the summer months. Once fall semester starts we get no music, so enjoy it while you can. Like I said, the summer is slower, so we use this time to log in files of patients and catch up on work that got pushed to the side, like session notes."

"Oh, okay."

"Now, Mrs. Davis says that you were already familiar with the scanning system and logging notes but just in case you get lost, there is a tutorial how-to list just by your monitor there."

There was a stack of paper on the desk that went to the top of the cubicle wall, right next to a sheet of laminated paper that was held to the fabric wall with a bright purple push pin.

"Thanks." I said, putting my bag on the top of the desk.

"Everything should be set up for you, just create a login and password and you can get started. If you need me, I'll be in the first office. I have few sessions today, so if the door is closed just jot down whatever question you have and I'll check on you after my session ends. Okay?"

"Anything else I need to know?" I asked, feeling nervous at the idea that I would be left alone.

"I don't think so. Not right now, anyway – and I heard you already have a degree from the Netherlands right?

"Yep."

"Then, I trust that you can handle a bit of office work with ease." she said. "No worries."

"Okay."

"Do you need me to show him where the TV is? There's one in the waiting room...maybe he can watch some cartoons while you work?" she asked me after a moment. I looked down at Dylan who was still hiding behind me and glancing at Lisa with a blush on his face.

"Actually, is it okay if I turn on one of the other computers for him?"

"Oh sure, that's fine." she replied and then she raised her eyebrows. "Do you have any questions before I leave you to it?"

"No, I'm all set."

"Okay, perfect. Call me if you need me." She smiled at me and then headed back out past the reception desk and into the first office.

* * *

I'd found out that there were games for learning how to read and since Dylan would be starting kindergarten in a few months, it would be good practice for him. It was also good that Dylan had something to do while I worked. I got him set up and almost instantly he became engrossed in a counting game. It made me proud to see that he was enjoying it so much. Even growing up with the Dutch language, he was good at learning English and he was fast. English was much easier to understand than Dutch.

Once Dylan was settled, I turned on my computer and tinkered around a bit to get used to the system. It wasn't much different than the office software that I had used back at school, which made it much easier to get into. Once I got going, with the radio turned on, I fell quickly into a flow. It felt good to not be confused about what I was doing. I hummed along to the music as I logged the files and even danced in my chair a bit as I continued to chug along.

Every once in a while, I could see Dylan watching me with a smile on his face, he even wiggled a bit too. He loved to watch me dance just as much as I liked dancing. I didn't dance as much as I liked these days, not like I used to. Dancing had been a saving grace when we'd moved to the Netherlands; many times it had even kept me from going to a deep dark place inside of myself. Just for those few moments, when my body was in motion, I would forget all my troubles even if it was just for a little while.

I thought about Colin telling me how I should tryout for the cheerleaders and even though I knew he was joking, I felt like it might actually be something worth doing. Maybe. I promised my parents that if I was going to live my dream of moving to America, then I would do everything that I dreamed of. I promised them both that I wouldn't hold myself back from things and I intended on keeping that promise.

* * *

Halfway through my work, I saw Dylan nodding off a little bit and so I handed him a snack just to keep him awake. The time difference was still a little rough on him and so I was sure to make sure that he didn't fall asleep.

"How's it going over there baby?" I asked him, when I got to the last set of notes.

"Good," he replied. He didn't look up but just kept playing and I was proud that he didn't let himself get distracted. It was a feat that I'd never learned no matter how hard my parents tried. He still looked tired but thankfully he wasn't being grumpy.

It was almost noon, which meant we could go home soon,

"We're going home soon...so round up your game and get ready." I told him.

"Okay." he mumbled before yawning and stretching out his little arms.

I finished up my last set of notes and then logged off the system, excited that I had made it through my first day without any issues.

"Ready, schat?" I asked and he nodded as he tucked the football underneath his arm again. "Okay then, lets go say goodbye to Lisa. Yea?"

"Okay."

I poked my head through Lisa's open door and saw her dancing in her chair to her little stereo in the corner as she typed on her computer.

"Hey, Lisa, today's paperwork is done. We are headed home." I said. She looked up with a smile and nodded.

"Great. Wasn't too bad, was it?" She asked with a grin.

"Nope, not at all."

"Good, well enjoy the rest of your day. It was nice meeting you Dylan."

"Nice to meet you." He mumbled.

Dylan waved shyly and then stepped behind me. She let out a laugh and I couldn't help but to chuckle too.

"He's precious. See you guys, tomorrow." Lisa chuckled before turning back to her work.

Yep, it was a good day.

* * *

The walk back home was much faster, or so it seemed, than the walk to campus. I let Dylan walk ahead of me clutching the football in excitement, knowing that he was just another hour closer to playing catch with Colin.

Dylan was already stepping into the house as I made my way up the porch steps. I stepped in behind him and could see that he had abandoned the football in the vestibule and had just started running up the steps. I cleared my throat and he froze, turning to look at me with his cheeks blushing, knowing that he had been caught.

"Where are you going baby?"

"I'm going to swim," he said as if it was the most normal thing in the world, his head down as he waited for me to scold him.

"Should you be running up the steps?" I asked him and he shook his head.

"No."

"I know you are excited to swim, why don't you go change into your swim trunks and we eat lunch together and then we can swim. You can't go alone, okay?" I said. He looked down at his feet in disappointment and then nodded his head. "Okay, now be careful on those stairs and come down slowly when you come back. No more running."

"Okay, Mam."

He slowed down and walked up the stairs while I made my way into the kitchen. I hadn't seen Mercedes yet but I was sure she said she'd be home soon, so I decided to make enough food for all of us.

I opened the fridge and I tried to decide what to make Dylan and myself for lunch when I heard the music coming from the patio outside. I looked up from the fridge and frowned as I cocked my head. Was Mercedes already home?

I glanced out of the sliding doors and I could see Mercedes sitting by the pool with someone else. I could tell by the way that they were sitting that they were close. The girl that sat with her, was gesturing with her hands as she explained something and Mercedes let out a huge laugh. This was what life must have been like before I moved in, jealousy spiked in me for a second but then I shrugged it off. If me and Mercedes had been friends all of these years with an ocean separating us, I knew that there was nothing to be jealous about.

Even though I was not jealous, I slid the door open, trying to see what they were both talking so animatedly about. They seemed to be talking and writing things down as they laughed. I just stood there for a moment, taking in the ease of their apparent friendship. Mercedes continued on, not noticing me as she went from talking to singing and back again, all the while using her hands.

It made my heart happy to see her so excited about doing something she loved.

Just as I was about to head back into the kitchen, not wanting to interrupt them, Mercedes looked up and smiled brightly at me. The girl turned to see what Mercedes was smiling at and saw me standing there like a statue staring back at her.

I looked away quickly and felt the blush creep on my cheeks. The girl was flawless.

"Hey Britt, come over here a sec." Mercedes waved her hand and I was about to shake my head when the girl smiled at me and I just couldn't say no to that smile. I walked over to them, feeling like I could barely keep it together in the presence of a knockout like Mercedes' friend. "San, This is the girl I was telling you about."

"Hi," I said looking at the girl, even though I knew it was making her nervous.

"Santana, this is Brittany." Mercedes said to Santana. "Brittany, this is Santana, she writes and sings with me."

"Nice to meet you." I said. My throat suddenly dry at the sight of her face lighting up and I tried to swallow but I couldn't. What was going on with me? Hadn't I just been jealous like five seconds ago?

Santana stood to her feet, stumbling and almost falling into the pool. Mercedes let out a huge laugh, earning herself a glare from her friend, as she straightened out. I grinned, the nerves lessening by the second after seeing her stumble.

"Nice to m-meet you t-too," she said, stuttering over her words.

I stared at her for a while and I could see that she was trying to tear her gaze away from mine.

"So..." I didn't know what to say and I was grasping at straws to try and find something.

"Yea."

Mercedes cleared her throat and everything seemed to go back to regular speed around me. I could see the way she raised her eyebrows at me but I ignored it.

"So, Santana and I have been working on a new song and we could use a break."

"Oh," I said. I cleared my throat and looked from Mercedes back to Santana. "Do you want to join us for lunch?"

"I um...I'd love to," she nodded her head and smiled at me.

Flawless.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks to the most awesome beta who makes this story readable and makes me love it! :) **

* * *

Getting into the swing of things at work seemed easier than I thought at first and before I knew it the week had passed by and it was starting to feel like I never left. Just like the amazing best friend that she is, Mercedes surprised me after work and told me that she was going to take us out for dinner at one of my favorite childhood restaurants to celebrate me and Dylan conquering our first week in our new home.

Dylan begged me to tell him all about the restaurant but with all the things that I had gone through since I had last been home, I was finding it really hard to describe anything about my past. My colleagues would say that my blocking of the past was classic and I would agree with them if it was anyone else. Maybe I'm in denial about things but it's gotten me this far and so why fix what isn't broken.

The ride through our old neighborhood brought back memories of me and Mercedes playing hopscotch on the sidewalk and me always winning because I was faster than her. I couldn't help my smile just thinking back over the good times or the tears that were beginning to burn in my eyes when I thought about what drove me away from my home.

Mercedes and Colin were wrapped up in their own conversation, her pointing out things from our past, in the front of the car oblivious to the beginning of my breakdown but Dylan seemed to be paying more attention to me than I had realized.

"Mam?" Dylan said, looking over at me from his booster seat, obviously worried.

"Yea, schat?" I said, trying to put on a big grin.

"Ik hou van je." He whispered, smiling back at me with a serious look in his eyes. He sensed my pain, even if I was doing a good job of hiding it from everyone else, even myself. I wiped at my eyes and then leaned over and kissed his forehead.

"I love you too, schat. More than anything."

* * *

When we pulled up to the restaurant, Colin exchanged a look with Mercedes before telling Dylan that they should go inside and get a table. Once we were alone, my best friend, more aware of my situation than she had let on smiled and patted the front seat.

"Come talk to me, Britt."

I made my way over the console and plopped into the passenger seat with ease and then let out a sigh when Mercedes turned those big brown eyes on me.

"I want you to know that no matter you are feeling, you can talk to me about it. I saw you tearing up when we drove past your old house and I could tell that you weren't thinking good things. We never really talked about what happened and I know you think you have everything under control but I still worry." She said in a rush before dropping her head and looking down at her nails.

"I guess I thought you wouldn't want to talk about it. It was a long time ago and I moved on."

She looked at me with her eyes squinted and shook her head.

"I may not know everything but I know when you are holding back."

This was getting way out of control. My eyes were burning again and my chest was tight. This was not the time to be bringing back old memories or talking about things that couldn't be changed. What was the use?

"I promise you that I will come to you. Right now though, I'm fine."

"You sure?"

"Well, I'm hungry but emotionally, I'm okay."

* * *

Being inside my favorite restaurant brought back even more memories but thankfully, only good ones. Not much had changed about it and it made me feel a sense of hope. Mercedes swung our hands between us as she led us to a booth way in the back.

When I heard a laugh that I had come to love in the last week, I froze. Mercedes stopped in her tracks and looked back at me with a smile on her face.

"Oh yea, I invited Santana. I hope that's okay."

My palm was suddenly sweaty and my heart was racing as I thought of the hot brunette that I had the pleasure of seeing three times since I had met her by the pool. There was a definte chemistry between us and when we talked, it seemed like we had been talking forever.

Like fate. Mercedes watched me blush and her grin took over.

"I knew it! You have a thing for her!" She sang out.

"So what if I do?" I said back to her and stuck my tongue out.

"Mam?!" Dylan interrupted, pulling at my other hand. "Come on, we're hungry!" He said, looking like he was about to throw a tantrum.

I smiled at him and nodded, happy for the distraction. Santana was definitely someone that made my heart sing but I wasn't going to let Mercedes stick her nose into it.

It was just a little crush.

* * *

Once we had our food, Mercedes nudged my side.

"So how was your first week at work?" She asked.

"It was great! Wasn't it Dylan?" I turned to smile at Dylan and blinked at him in surprise when he shook his head. "No?" I asked.

"I got bored...can't I just stay home from now on?" he asked between bites of his food. "Please?"

"But I thought you liked spending time with me while I was at work." said, feeling a little offended that he didn't want to spend his days with me anymore. I admit that having him around has made it hard for me to get the job done but I had really been under the impression that he was having a good time.

"Yea, I liked the first day," he told me. "And then I got bored."

"Hey, why don't you just put him into summer camp or something?" Mercedes asked. "My church does this free bible camp."

I looked at her skeptically. I had only done the church thing a handful of times and never really got into it. "I'm not su-"

"What happens at bible camp? What do they do there?" Dylan asked, interrupting me. I never liked when he interrupted me but I could see that he really wanted to know, so I let it slide for now.

"Oh, you know...they have baseball camp and football camp...all kinds of fun stuff really," Mercedes told Dylan.

Dylan could hardly contain his excitement at the sound of that and he bounced up and down in his seat as he looked at me hopefully.

"Oh mam! That's so awesome! Can I go there?" he asked me. I looked from him to Mercedes, who shrugged, and back. "Please?"

"I'll see what I can do. If that's what you want then I will do what I can to make it happen."

"Yes!" He said and we all burst into laughter.

Santana looked from Dylan to me and cut in.

"If you need any help, I would be glad to go with you to look into it." She smirked. Mercedes coughed really loud and Santana dropped her head. I glared at my best friend and then reached across the table and put my hand on Santana's. She looked up at me in shock and then down at our hands before looking at me again.

"That would be great, how's tomorrow morning sound?" I asked and she gave me that amazing smile.

"Of course, B. Tomorrow morning is perfect!"

* * *

Zillions of ideas were zooming through my head as I walked into the office on Monday morning. It was later than usual because I had an appointment with my student advisor. He had made some really awesome suggestions that were taking up most of my brain.

As I walked in, Lisa came straight out of her office looking distressed but she still smiled at me.

"Good morning, Lisa, is everything alright?"

"Hi Brittany. I have a lot going on right now, actually. Do you think that you could do me a favor and sit at the reception desk today while you work?"

"Sure," I said. "What's the occasion?"

"I'm going to have more than a few patients today and I want them to know that there's always someone here for them, also, I need you to keep an eye on how everything runs up here." Lisa said. "You know, it's also a good way to get to know your way around the more menial aspects of working here. Once school starts, you will be my second in command and I want you to really get into the flow of things before Mrs. Davis comes back."

"Oh, okay," I said with a smile. "Do you have some time today to talk?" I asked her.

"Sure...this is about your meeting right?"

"Yes."

"Okay, I'll find a spot for us to talk."

"Great, thanks."

Lisa went back into her office and closed the door, I could tell that there was more going on than she had said but I wasn't going to push her. Maybe someday we would get to that point but for now, I didn't want to ruffle her feathers too much.

About an hour went by, with me switching between entering data and doodling ideas down to discuss with Lisa, when she pulled her office door open and hurriedly walked towards me scowling. I smiled at her but she didn't smile back.

"Is everything all right?" I asked and she just shook her head as she rested her hands on the reception desk and looked at me with bloodshot eyes.

"I have to go – I have a family emergency – can you hold my appointments? If they want to reschedule that's fine, the system is set up to reschedule pretty easily. I'm not sure when I will return but I'll call if I can't make it back." Lisa muttered.

"Sure, go ahead, I can manage things here." I said in answer to the worried look in her eyes.

"Okay." She stood still for a second and looked at me again. "I should be back by lunch time, hopefully, I'll take you out and we can discuss your meeting and your progress in the office. Okay?"

"That sounds great! Thanks." I smiled at her and she waved as she walked away.

She was trusting me with the office instead of sending me home, I knew that must mean that I'm actually doing a good job.

Hopefully.

* * *

Lisa left pretty quickly, her hair a mess, her phone pressed to her ear and a grumble as she barked orders through the phone. Even though I was anxious to sit with her and talk through some of my ideas, I kind of wanted to do it on a day that she didn't have a million other things to focus on. Ever since I was young I have had a serious problem with confrontation and I was starting to worry that I would say something to make her anger even greater.

I took a few deep breaths, wishing, not for the first time, that I could curl up on the couch and bury my head on my mother's lap. In moments when I have felt this heavy insecurity, she has always been the one to soothe away my doubts. I miss her more than anything and promised myself that I would call her the first chance I got.

As much as I wanted to be in America, the feeling of homesickness still hit me with the force of a train. In these moments, I have always had Dylan around to remind me that I wasn't so alone but now, I truly was and I wasn't sure that I liked that feeling.

Someone knocked on the desk, startling me from my pity party and I was grateful for it. I looked up into the most beautiful green eyes that I had ever seen and smiled.

"How can I help you?" I asked, surprised that I hadn't sensed her standing over me or the door opening. Had I really been that caught up in my thoughts?

"I have an 11 o'clock with Dr. Garelli."

It took me a moment to realize that she was talking about Lisa, since I had never actually called her by her last name. I could see her staring at the paper beneath my pen, where I had been jotting down the ideas I was having.

"Unfortunately, she had to an errand to run, she didn't say when she would be back but you can wait for her if you like or you can reschedule if that suits you better," I told the girl.

"Are you serious? What's the point in even scheduling an appointment if I can be left in the lurch like this?" She snapped.

I resisted the urge to shrug, not knowing exactly how to handle someone that was filled with so much misplaced anger this early in the morning but hoping to keep her calm enough to reschedule, I didn't want to do anything to piss her off. Normally, I was ready for this type of behavior, especially as a mother but with my own emotions so out of whack, I just wasn't prepared. Maybe that's why Lisa thought it was a good job for me to sit here.

If I was going to work in this office, I needed to be ready for anything. Including hot girls with attitude problems.

"I apologize for not being able to honor your scheduled appointment time. Dr. Garelli had a family emergency, do you want to reschedule your appointment?"

"That's just it, I can't..." she gritted her teeth and pulled out her phone. "I'll just wait."

"Did you want anything to drink?"

"No." She huffed before sitting in the corner of the waiting room. I watched as she angrily tapped at her phone screen, her face turning different shades of pink. Something or someone had obviously pushed all of her buttons this morning and from the looks of it, it happened before she even came in this morning.

The moment that Lisa came back into the office, a short fifteen minutes later, I nodded toward the waiting room. She looked a little wild eyed but when she caught sight of the girl, she smiled.

"You can come on back, sorry about the lateness." The angry girl just smiled and nodded, her whole angry look dissolving into a look of innocence and calm. It was eerie to watch her transform so easily. Lisa continued to banter on about children and gum as they went into the office, both of them laughing and chatting like old friends.

Someday, I hoped to be that ray of sunshine for someone.

* * *

Two hours of paperwork had me so focused that I managed to push aside my heavy feelings and my interaction with the angry girl whose one hour session had been extended. I tried my best to not listen to the laughter or yelling coming from the office just across the hall from me but I am way too curious to not notice things like that.

I had full moments of just staring at the door, trying to activate some dormant form of x-ray vision that I hadn't discovered yet. Thankfully, when the door did finally open, I wasn't staring like a lunatic because the sniffling coming from the once angry girl seemed pretty serious. She intrigued me but I didn't stare. In fact, I just pushed the tissues toward the edge of the desk as she walked towards me. She gave me a small, watery smile and a small thanks before wiping her face.

She sighed and I knew it was okay to look up at her again, trying my best not to stare for too long. She was vulnerable and I knew from personal experience just how hard it is to get yourself together when you're being watched. Even though she was less than two feet from me, it was important that she had at least the appearance of privacy.

She had regained her composure pretty quickly and I was impressed by just how put together she seemed, even if she was breaking apart on the inside. It looked like she was having trouble finding words so I decided to speak first.

"So what's a good time for your next appointment?"

She shrugged and then cleared her throat.

"Next week, same time. Lisa promises to be here waiting for me with coffee and bacon." She chuckled, I smiled not understanding what the bacon thing meant but not wanting to ask.

"Sounds perfect. Name?" I asked her.

"Fabray."

After one last look at me, that I couldn't place, the girl left without another word.

* * *

I was just finishing up the file, when Lisa walked out of her office looking a little unsure of herself. I smiled really big at her and she smiled back, seeming to snap out of whatever was on her mind.

"You ready for lunch Brittany?" she asked.

"Yea, give me a second to finish this up." Lisa hovered over me, typing into her phone and humming to herself. "Okayyyyyy, logging out and I'm done." I said and she looked up with a silly smile. It seemed that my mood was definitely rubbing off on her.

"You're doing great job Brittany. I'm excited to see what your fresh presence will do for the office." Lisa said with pride in her voice and I looked up with a smile.

"Thanks. I'm really enjoying being here and the idea that I can help people makes me even happier." I told her.

With Dylan in summer camp now, I had started working full days, which is working so much better than the half days that I was doing in my first week. Thanks to Dylan putting his foot down, I was getting so much more satisfaction out of being here now that I didn't have to worry about entertaining him.

"I can see that. And you know enough for me not to have to worry when I have to leave. Quinn says that you were helpful in calming her down and take it from me, she can get pretty angry without much provocation but you handled her like a pro."

"Did I?"

"Definitely."

I smiled and I felt my heart swell at the compliment. It was always nice to hear that people were satisfied with your work, a part of me looked up to Lisa and so her opinion of me was important.

* * *

We sat down on the bleachers that looked over the football field. I looked down expecting to see Colin at first but then I remembered that they didn't train during lunch time. I thought about Dylan and wondered if some day he would be on that field training with his college football team, far removed from the demons of my past.

The heaviness tried to settle over me but Lisa began to talk with a smile on her face, this morning's drama was nothing but a memory as she ate her lunch and began to talk to me like we were old friends. Maybe it was this quality that made her a good psychologist, she had the ability to make you feel like the most important person in the world with the way that she looked at you.

"You know, Brittany...I was really inspired by your application letter," she said, her face full of sincerity as she looked in my eyes, the heaviness still sat in my chest but just like the amazing person she is, she seemed to make it all feel worth it. "There was just so much depth and sincerity in it. Mrs. Davis brought it to me and I ended up in tears."

"Really?" I was shocked that my letter about my life and what drove me to circumstance was enough to make her cry over it. To me, it was just my existence but to her, it apparently meant the world.

"Yes, it's an honor to get to know you and work along side of you. I hope to help you as much as I can to be the best counselor that you can be. I am also just really looking forward to getting to know Dylan."

"You are?"

"Absolutely, I have a son his age. In fact, just this morning that little boy is what had me leaving the office. He stuck gum in a girl's hair, right on the top of her head. She apparently called him ugly a week ago and he masterminded this plan to put the biggest wad of gum in her hair that he could. I think they are going to have to shave that poor girl's hair."

"Wow!"

"Wow is right, I think he's going to end up one of your patients in a few years. His dad really screwed him up some how."

"His dad?"

"I adopted him a year ago, I married his dad when he was just a year old. His mom died in childbirth and then his dad died a few months ago."

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Me too." She sighed. "I did not plan on being a single mother in my lifetime but I love the kid and don't regret him for a second."

I nodded and thought of my own little ball of trouble, no matter how he ended up in my life, I knew that I felt the same way.

"I totally agree."

"So how was your meeting this morning?"

"Well, my advisor told me it would be a good idea to start a support group and I wanted to know what you thought about that."

For a moment she didn't say anything and I could feel the nervous butterflies in my stomach, sure she had left me alone for a few hours but that didn't mean she trusted me to run an entire support group on my own.

"Okay. I can get behind that idea." Lisa said, chewing her salad slowly. "Did you have anything in mind?"

"I was thinking a group that focused the survivors of domestic and sexual abuse," I said, feeling confident when Lisa nodded and then when she looked at me with concern, my stomach dropped.

"Are you sure you can handle the serious nature of those meetings? Anything that talks about sexual abuse on a college campus, especially, can be very intense," she said.

"Yea, I know. It might be difficult at first but I know that I can handle it."

"I'll run it by Mrs. Davis the next time she comes in, see how she wants to get this started," Lisa said.

"Awesome, thank you!" I thought about it for a moment before I looked at Lisa. "So what happened with the girl before lunch? She seemed okay going in, is it normal for her to breakdown like that?"

"Yea, from what I can tell you about it, things did start well until she let down her walls, from there it became a tough session. Quinn is coming to me because it's mandatory for her to deal with her anger issues or she won't be able to keep cheerleading, she got mad at a girl and didn't spot her. The girl broke three bones in her leg and so Quinn has no choice. Usually the sessions are light and superficial but today, we had a breakthrough. Which, is a moment that I live for."

"Oh...well, I hope she works through her issues." Thinking about the girl made me feel sad for her.

"Like you, Quinn is a fighter, I have no doubts that she won't bounce back from her troubles without a problem."

Like me...I thought about the heaviness that I had been feeling lately and wondered if I had really bounced back like it seemed.

I wasn't so sure.

* * *

My walk home from work was filled with the sound of my headphones blasting Bastille. The heaviness had faded after my talk with Lisa, she seemed to have faith in me and if she believed in me, then I knew that I must be doing something right.

The idea of talking to Mercedes was becoming more and more enticing. With the way that my mind was going in circles, it might have to happen sooner than I thought. Calling my mom would help but the thought of making her worry about me didn't seem appealing. It had taken me a full year to convince them that I was ready to leave them and move across the world to pursue my dreams and calling her to cry or talk through these issues would only make her fly here and try to convince me to go back to the Netherlands.

When I walked into the quiet house, there were tears in my eyes and I felt like heavier than life itself. I had to get out of this rut. I heard laughter coming from the patio and knew that if anyone could cheer me up it would be Mercedes.

I quickly changed into my bikini and grabbed a towel, knowing that my two favorite people would make me feel light as a feather again. At least, that's what I thought until I saw who else was at the pool.

Mercedes and Colin were in the pool playing with Dylan, while Santana and a guy I didn't know sat close together off to the side. I told myself at first that he was just her friend but then he was kissing her and my heart was sinking into my stomach. This must be her boyfriend.

Lucky duck.

I continued to stare as my smile slid from my face, wondering why he was here and feeling like kicking him out but then someone splashed me. Cooling down my temper and making me realize just how badly I would embarrass myself.

"Hey!" I said as I turned and looked right into Dylan's sweet, excited eyes. "Watch it, schat!"

"Hi mam! You looked hot!" he said with a giggled.

"Hey Britt!" Santana called from the other side of the pool. "This is Nick." She introduced him. I nodded and waved to Nick, who inclined his head.

He gave me the creeps so I quickly looked away as I slid into the pool next to Mercedes who was lounging on the underwater seat. Her arm came around me and she squeezed me tight.

"Sorry, B." She whispered and I just looked at her in shock and then shook my head.

"I should have figured, she's too hot to be single, right?"

Mercedes nodded.

"Mmmmhmmm. Well so are you." She whispered and I felt my heart flutter a bit. She was right, I am hot.

"How was work?" Colin asked, cutting into our bestie moment.

"It was okay, very busy."

"Good," Mercedes said. "Busy is good."

"Mam, I had so much fun at camp today, we learned to tackle."

"Awesome! Tell me all about it, you were careful and wore all the padding that Santana picked out for you?" I asked as I pulled him into my arms and hugged him tight.

He nodded his head and grinned.

"Every piece even though it was hot!"

"You drank lots of water, right?"

He rolled his eyes and nodded.

"Yes, Mam."

Dylan launched into a long explanation of his day and how he had mastered tackling but I couldn't stop glancing towards Santana and Nick. It seemed that they couldn't keep their hands off each other and I knew that it wouldn't be long before Mercedes made them cut it out. I hoped it would be soon because I could feel my anger and sadness holding hands and rising. They continued laughing and kissing and I barely held back my groan.

Mercedes cleared her throat and called out to them with her fingers snapping.

Thank God!

* * *

Later that night when Dylan was in bed and everyone had gone home, Mercedes and I sat in the kitchen, like we did most nights, running down the finer details of my day that were for her ears only. She seemed to know that I was holding back but I just told her that I was tired and because I knew that Mercedes had work in the morning, I knew she wouldn't push me to talk too much.

She told me about her day and how her and Santana were going to be doing a few guest spots for popular bands around Florida. I was excited that her career seemed to be moving along, maybe not as fast as she wanted but definitely better than she had hoped.

It was getting late but she still managed to turn the conversation towards me.

"So, I saw the way you were looking at Santana and Nick, couldn't keep your eyes off of them." Mercedes said out of the blue and at first I wanted to deny it but I knew that she was right. So I smiled.

"I'm kinda disappointed you know? You've seen how she gets around me, I thought I had a shot."

"Santana's pretty straight, Britt. Trust me."

"I can see that from the way that he had his tongue shoved down her throat." I shuddered at the thought and Mercedes laughed at me, thankfully much quieter than her normal cackle which would probably have made me cry.

"Girl don't worry, there are other hot fish in the sea." She grinned.

I pouted. "But none of them will be as hot as her."

"Keep it in your pants, Pierce."

Even I couldn't help but laugh at that comment and just when I thought we could end the night like this, light and silly, Mercedes pressed on.

"But seriously, how was work? You had a look on your face before you even saw Santana."

"It was really good. I met with my advisor and he told me that it would be a good idea to start a support group, that it would help towards my degree. I talked to Lisa about it and she's going to talk to Miss Davis but I'm sure I'll be able to lead it." I said.

"So what's the topic?"

"It's domestic and sexual abuse." I watched Mercedes intently as her jaw dropped and she widened her eyes.

"Girl, have you lost your mind?" she asked.

"I don't know what you mean."

"You of all people want to talk about sexual abuse?"

I felt my heart sink. This was a topic we had only ever talked about once and it was never in detail. I wanted to keep it that way but it didn't seem like that would be happening.

"Please, Cedes...that was six years ago...I think I'll be fine," I told her.

"And I think you're full of crap."


	5. Chapter 5

**Thanks for the reviews! And again a special thanks to my beta, the most awesome person I know! :)**

* * *

It's funny how quickly things become a routine. One day, I'm working full time in a foreign country, speaking a different language on a daily basis, depending on my parents for a foundation and the next, I'm in my country of birth, raising my son on my own with help from a childhood friend.

In my wildest dreams, I never thought any of this would come true and now that I have it, I have found myself longing for the streets of Gouda on a Saturday morning or nights out in Leiden with my coworkers. Things in America, without school starting up just yet, have become just as run of the mill as the drudgery of routine back in the Netherlands.

Everyday, I wake up, take Dylan to camp, go to work, come home, swim and have dinner, sleep and do it all over again. After the first few weeks of the same routine, I have begun to move on autopilot. Mercedes ensures me that once school starts for both me and Dylan, I won't feel so listless but I'm finding that hard to believe when I'm all alone at night with nothing but my endless thoughts.

Things were supposed to be different for me. I mean logically, I know that things are very different than they were just a month ago but sometimes, despite being a mother, having a degree, and working towards another, my age reminds me that I'm still young. I still have dreams and silly fantasies of what I want and what I want is never what I have.

My mother would say that I need to settle and my father would agree with her but my heart tells me that even though I've come all of this way and I have things working in my favor, that there is still a glaring hole in my life.

What I wouldn't give for one of those nighttime talks with Mercedes but she has left me to stew in my damaging thoughts, leaving me and Dylan to go to visit her parents in Miami for an entire week.

If she was here, I know for a fact that I wouldn't be going nuts like this and that's when it dawned on me just how alone I am here and how much I need to branch out beyond Mercedes for friendship because if I don't, moving here would have done nothing but made me insane.

I need a friend and I know just who I want that to be, even if there is a giant Nick sized roadblock in my way.

* * *

After two sleepless nights, I woke up Saturday morning to Dylan standing over me with a huge grin on his face. I stared blankly at him, trying to figure out where I was and what he was doing.

"Morning, Mam!" He practically shouted and I quickly threw my hand forward over his mouth and brought a finger to my lips.

His eyes got wide and he nodded as I dropped my hand from his mouth.

"You've got to remember your inside voice, they aren't going to like you going to school and yelling all of the time."

"Sorry, Mam." He said in a quieter voice.

"It's okay." I said, pushing up from the bed and stretching my arms out until the tingles of sleep went away. When I looked down, Dylan was mimicking me with an envelope clutched in his little hand. I used his moment of distraction to snatch the letter from his hand.

"Hey!" He shouted and stomped his foot.

I dropped back onto the bed and pulled him with me, fighting the whole way. He finally gave in when I dug my fingers into his ribs. Giggles erupted from his lips and he settled against me.

"Where did you get this?" I asked him as I looked at the envelope with my name on it.

"It was stuck in the mail slot of the front door with the other mail."

I shot him a look, knowing that he probably pulled all the mail and searched through it, most likely leaving all of Mercedes mail thrown across the living room floor. From the moment that I told him I was waiting on a letter from his new school, he's made it his mission to be the one to deliver the letter to me.

That day has finally come, hopefully the destruction of the mail will come to an end and Mercedes will stop glaring at me as she scoops her mail from the floor.

* * *

Seeing Dylan's school list and that he started school in just two more weeks, I realized just how unprepared he was. Thank God for distractions. Getting him set up for his first day was the perfect thing to keep me from falling into depression, which I could feel creeping up on me, more and more each day.

Dylan rested against me as we watched his favorite cartoon, both tired from cleaning the house and sorting out Mercedes mail, he seemed to be just as down in the dumps as I had been. I rubbed at his curls and he looked up at me with shining, sad eyes.

"Mam?" He looked so unhappy it made tears pool in my eyes and I blinked quickly to push them back.

"What's up, schat?" I asked him gently as I pulled him tighter against me, hoping to give him as much comfort from my embrace as I often got from his.

"I miss 'Cedes."

My heart practically stopped at the look and sound of his sadness. For the first time, I felt bad for bringing him to this place where he had to start over again, make friends all over again. He didn't have anyone other than Mercedes, Colin and me to talk to and play with. My parents weren't around to spoil him. During the week, with camp to keep him busy it seemed that none of that bothered him but on a day like today, it's more than obvious.

"I know baby, I miss her too," I said.

Dylan wrapped his arms around my waist and leaned on me heavily.

This wouldn't do, I couldn't allow him to be sad, not even for a moment. I needed to distract him, get him up and moving. I knew just the thing to distract him, hopefully it would work.

A distraction would do him some good, even though it was a temporary solution, I knew soon enough when our schedules picked up, these moments of boredom and loneliness would be nothing but a memory.

At least, I hoped so.

* * *

Dylan had fallen asleep on the couch and I used the opportunity to get dressed and pull out an outfit for him. His school list looked up at me, a full two pages long, definitely enough to keep us occupied for a few hours.

I knew that once we had all of his stuff, Dylan would be so into putting things away in his room and checking off his school list, that all of this sadness would disappear. I decided that in order to kill my loneliness and his boredom, we would need company.

And since I only knew a handful of people, I called the one person that never left my mind for very long.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Santana? It's um...Brittany." I said, feeling nervous.

There was a moment of silence, in which, I could feel my heart speeding up. There was some shuffling and a grumble before the sound of a door closing and Santana letting out a sigh.

"Hey B. What's up?" I could hear the smile in her voice and I couldn't help but smile too. She just had that effect on me. Stupid little crush.

If I didn't know any better, I'd think that the feeling was mutual but I knew better or at least I should.

"So, school starts in two weeks. Dylan is walking around here looking lost. I think I am starting to feel the same way and I was wondering if you...if um..." I cleared my throat and tried again, feeling like my rambling was getting out of hand. "Do you have some time to maybe come with us to the mall?"

"Oh um," She let out a dry chuckle and then cleared her throat, seeming surprised. "Oh, sure. You want to go right now?"

"If you can? I know it's short notice but I-" I stopped suddenly, realizing that she probably had something else to do. "Look, if you can't. I understand. No pressure." I closed my eyes and bit my lip while I beat myself up over my hasty decision to call her and then my backpedaling.

Get it together, Brittany, she has a Nick for goodness sake.

"Sure I can. Can you give me an hour, I'm actually supposed to be taking care of something but after that, I'm all yours," she said. She had seemed preoccupied when she answered the phone and now she probably felt obligated to go. I felt like an idiot. Had I done the right thing by calling her? "Is that okay?"

"If you're sure." I said, giving her another chance to back out.

"I'm positive. We can even grab a bite to eat and ice cream. It can be a big old shopping date and something you will learn very quickly, is that I LOVE to shop." She said, chuckling, the word date dancing in my head had me frozen like a statue...if only. "So I will see you in an hour?"

"Yes. Okay. Thank you, Santana!"

"Don't thank me yet, you might regret this when you see just how much I plan to buy." She chuckled again and this time I joined in, not sure just how serious she was.

"We'll see about that. I'll see you when you get here," I said with a smile.

She chuckled. "See ya."

* * *

Not long after I hung up with Santana, I decided that a good way to kill some time was to swim and with Dylan trudging down the stairs, rubbing the salt out his eyes, a scowl on his face. My timing was perfect.

"Let's swim, schat!" I yelled, bouncing towards him excitedly. He crooked his finger at me so I bent over until I was hovering with my face in front of his. He reached out his hand and put it over my lips and then brought a finger to his lips.

I nodded and he dropped his hand.

"They won't like you yelling at work and school, Mam. Inside voice." He grumbled.

"Sorry, schat. How was your nap?" I asked, reaching down and lifting him off the ground. He put his head on my shoulder and let out a yawn.

"Short."

"Oh. I'm sorry. Well, I have some good news for you."

His head popped up and he looked at me in sleepy excitement.

"'Cedes is coming home early?" He asked.

"Nope." I said, watching his face droop.

"Oh." He mumbled. "Then what?"

"You and me are going to take a dip in the pool and then we are going to shower and get dressed." He looked at me skeptically which on a kid his age is a bit humorous but I knew better than to laugh at a grumpy Dylan.

"Uh huh. Then what?"

"Then Santana is going to pick us up and take us shopping for all the stuff on your school list and plus a new book bag of your choice. We can get some lunch and ice cream too. How's that sound?"

His face perked up again and he nodded.

"That sounds awesome, Mam."

* * *

After an hour spent swimming and getting ready, I tossed a football back and forth with Dylan on the front lawn while we waited. Maybe what he had needed was more of my attention, I had been so focused on myself and my lack of companionship that I seemed to forget that for Dylan, I was the world.

Just throwing the ball with him, made his face light up and his smile impossible to get rid of. It made my whole heart swell up three sizes. A horn beeped and I looked over to see Santana leaning out the window.

"Hey, I hear there is a big kid that needs to go get his school supplies. Have you seen him?"

Dylan jumped up and down and ran towards the car.

"That's me!" He shouted and then looked back at me, waiting for me to scold him.

"We're outside, schat. Yell away." I chuckled, tucking the football on the porch before grabbing my purse off the railing and heading to the car.

Santana leaned into the back seat and buckled in Dylan, while I climbed into the front seat.

I heard an extra voice and turned back to see another kid in the back seat next to Dylan. Santana shut the door and ran around to the driver side of the car, climbing in and then smiling at me.

"Hey, B. Sorry I took a little longer than I expected. My older sister had asked me to watch the nephew, I was getting ready to take him home when you called and when my sister said she hadn't taken him shopping yet, I offered. I thought it would be good for Dylan to have another kid to hang out with. You don't mind, do you?"

"Of course not." I said, happy that she thought enough to have company for Dylan.

"Great, well, that's my nephew, Christian the great!" She leaned over and fake whispered. "He's a magician."

"Hey! You're not supposed to tell!" He whined with his arms crossed over his chest.

"Well I didn't want you to give them heart attacks with a great trick! I have to look out for my friends. By the way, say hi to Ms. Brittany and her son Dylan." She looked at him and waited. He smiled at me and then put out his hand.

"Hola, Ms. Brittany. Pleased to meet you." I shook his tiny hand and he blushed before looking towards my son. They immediately hit it off and Santana let out a chuckle.

We began to drive and she whispered to me, once the kids were preoccupied talking about Ninja Turtles.

"I think he has a crush on you, he never blushes."

"He has great taste, then." I said, winking at her.

I watched from the corner of my eye as her eyes got dreamy and she nodded.

"That, he does."

* * *

We had stopped to grab a quick lunch before heading to the mall. The boys were currently running through the jungle gym outside the restaurant while I sat on a bench with Santana, picking at my french fries. From the moment that she had picked me up, there were a billion butterflies in my stomach, making me feel like I could throw up at any moment.

Something about her just made me feel so light and I wanted to just kiss those lips until they were bruised. I was falling hard for the girl across from me, the very unavailable girl across from me, who happened to be talking about how she met Nick. I guess she noticed my eyes glazing over because she quickly changed the subject.

"So how do you know Mercedes?"

"Um...our parents were super close friends when we were kids and we grew up just down the street from one another." I told her.

"So you grew up in Florida?" she smiled at me and I smiled back, nodding my head. "Where about?"

"I was born in Jacksonville, what about you?"

"I was actually born in Ohio, I'm a military brat, so I've lived all over the country. My dad is a retired Marine. He wanted to retire somewhere warm and so we moved here when I was a junior in high school. That's when I met Mercedes."

"Oh, so you've known her for a while now, then."

"Yep. Honestly, I was surprised that I hadn't heard of you until recently. She had never mentioned you and then one day she told me that her best friend was moving here from across the world. It kind of stung a bit."

"Stung?" I said in shock, not understanding how my move could have hurt her.

"Well up until that point, I had always thought that I was her best friend." She said, dropping her head for a moment before looking back up at me with a tiny smile and a shrug of her shoulders. "I was completely prepared to hate you but then I saw you and well, I quickly learned that it's pretty much impossible to hate you."

"Oh." I muttered. "Well, that's true."

I looked toward the playground, hoping to get the burning tears to go away before I looked at her again. I spotted Dylan and Christian climbing through the tubes, laughing. It was good to see my son happy again and that was all thanks to Santana. My ego was a bit bruised knowing that I had stolen Mercedes from her new best friend but then a warmth filled me. I looked down at my hand only to see Santana's covering mine. I looked up at her and could see her smile and her beautiful brown eyes focused on me.

"Hey, if I'm going to share Mercedes with anyone, I much rather it be you than some bitch. You are one of my favorite people, there's something about you that I've never seen in anyone else. You make my whole world feel more awesome. I like you Brittany, I mean, how could I not?" And just like Christian earlier, Santana began to blush.

My heart soared and the butterflies began to flutter again.

* * *

After a long silence, which involved us heading back to the car with the boys still wrapped up in their conversation, Santana spoke up again.

"So, when did you move to the Netherlands?" she asked, as she buckled up Christian. Dylan waved me off as he buckled himself in. The last thing he wanted was us hovering. Once we were in the front seat and she had begun to drive. I answered her question.

"We moved there six years ago, before Dylan was born." I said. I felt uncomfortable talking about my time in the Netherlands for several reasons but she didn't know that. "I'm glad to be back home, honestly."

"Really?"

"Yep, from the moment that we moved away, I've wanted to be back in Florida. It was just never possible until now." I told her. "When we moved, I didn't understand just what I was giving up. I mean, don't get me wrong the Netherlands is amazing. Dylan was born there and so it will always be special to me but it doesn't compare to being back in Florida. This is my home and I hope that Dylan sees it that way too."

"Wow. That's kind of amazing."

"Is it?"

"It is. I mean, even though your parents are like...on the other side of the world, you still feel at home somewhere else. It wasn't until high school that we stopped moving all over the place, for me, home has always been wherever my family is. I get it though, Florida has become my home now that I know that I don't have to move unless I choose to. Do you miss your parents?" she asked.

"Yea, even though they are back there, I still message them everyday. I know that they miss being here too and have even thought of moving back. They have lives there though and they know that I'm working on a life here with Dylan. I miss having them around so much but I think that I really needed this...to do things on my own." I took a moment and then I looked at her again. "I needed the break from Florida when we moved to the Netherlands but now I'm ready to actually start a life for myself."

"That's very brave, B."

"You really think so?" I asked, my voice cracking a bit, just knowing that she saw me in a way that I had been striving to see myself, made me feel just a tad bit stronger.

We pulled into a parking space and she turned to look at me with a serious look in her eyes. I could tell that she was trying to piece my story together and while I didn't mind too much that she asked questions, it made me increasingly nervous to know that she could see that there was more to my story than I was letting on. I just wanted her to like me for me before we dug any deeper into why my life has played out this way.

"I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable with all of the questions. I just want to know you better, I guess."

"You didn't make me uncomfortable...I'm just not really used to talking about my past, not even Mercedes knows everything about me." I told her.

"I'll keep that in mind." she said with a bright smile that made my heart skip a beat.

And once again, I had to remind myself that she had a boyfriend.

* * *

She hadn't been joking.

Four hours after arriving at the mall, we had already made two trips back to the car, just to drop off our bags. Santana had allowed Dylan and Christian to each buy a toy of their choice from the giant toy warehouse, if they could be on their best behavior and not complain the entire time and because they weren't complaining, I had to hold my tongue when it felt like my feet were starting to blister.

The good thing about it though, was that I managed to get Dylan's uniform and all of his supplies and some for myself, with Santana's help without much searching. It was like Santana had a radar on not only where to find the items on the list but also where to find the best prices. She was like a bloodhound. I was amazed.

After our last trip to the overloaded car, the boys started to look like they were ready to fall over. Santana though, seemed to be prepared.

"Who wants ice cream?!" She asked and just like that, the two boys already loaded down with anything they could ask for, plus a toy jumped up and down in excitement.

She was like the kid whisperer. Now I knew who to go to when I needed an emergency babysitter.

"How do you have the energy?" I asked, once we were on the road back home, the boys both happily eating their ice creams in the back seat.

"What do you mean?"

"You are just go, go, non-stop. I'm exhausted."

"Well, part of it is that I really needed to get out of the house and the other is that shopping is like a high."

"Yea? What happened that you needed to get out of the house?"

Santana sighed deeply and then took a couple of sips of her milkshake.

"My roommate and I had a fight about Nick moving in...it was a freaking mess and she just gets so angry about things. Christian was there and so she held most of it in, but that didn't stop her from storming around the apartment like a maniac giant." she said.

My heart sank into my stomach and I looked down at my hands. I took a deep breath to calm myself, I had actually convinced myself that Nick didn't exist but now he was coming up again.

"It's that serious huh?" I asked after a moment, hoping she hadn't noticed the change. I felt really sad.

"Well, kind of. I mean it's her place too. I did it without asking her." She shrugged, not noticing what I was referring to.

"No, I meant your relationship with Nick."

"Oh...yea, I guess, we've been dating since freshman year of college. It just kind of stuck." Santana said with a shrug.

I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying or saying something that would ruin our friendship.

"Cool. So you love him?"

"Yea. He's been good to me so I have no complaints."

* * *

Later that night after putting a happy and exhausted Dylan to bed, I sat by the pool with a drink in my hand, thinking over my day and how I would give anything to have Santana by my side. The more time that I spent with her, the more I wanted her in my life. This crush was becoming bigger than me and I knew I had to pull it back. I knew that underneath it all, I was just really lonely.

I missed my parents and Mercedes.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I drank the last bit of my wine. It was like everything that I had been holding in was finally coming to the surface and for once, I didn't hold back. I allowed myself this moment to cry over everything that had happened to me and all the things that I had been through. I thought back to the day we moved to the Netherlands and I closed my eyes as the memories weighed me down. That had been the darkest part of my life and up until now, I had shoved those feelings down so deep that I was convinced that they didn't scare me anymore.

My parents had picked up their lives, pushed their dreams aside and moved us across the world to protect me from an unknown future. They had given me and Dylan a foundation to grow on and they supported me endlessly in finishing my studies. I owe so much of who I am to them, which is why I have to see this dream through. I have to make something of myself, to prove to them that their love and support was not in vain.

I had just refilled my glass and wiped my face when my phone started ringing. When I saw Santana's number come across the screen, I took a few deep breaths and another sip of wine before answering. The last thing that I needed was for her to be worried about a past she knew nothing about.

"Hello?"

When I heard shouting and someone crying I got worried, my sadness vanished as I tried to figure out what was wrong. I pulled my phone away from my ear when I heard an ear piercing shriek and then a loud crash.

"Santana? What's wrong?" I asked quickly. She cleared her throat and took a couple of deep breaths to calm down. "Should I be worried?"

"Hey B, uh, roommate's kind of losing her shit. Would you mind if I could, uh, do you think, shit...can I come over for a while?" Her voice shook and my heart skipped a beat. "Please?" she begged and of course, I couldn't turn her down.

"Of course you can come on over," I sighed.

"Oh God, thanks so much!" She said before the line went dead.

* * *

So much for my pity party. I gulped down my last bit of wine and then looked down at my baggy sweatpants. I looked like a wreck.

I took the stairs two at a time, careful not to be too loud. Dylan had a long day and I didn't want to deal with him being fussy while Santana and I sat and talked. I pulled on some comfy jeans and a tank top before rushing back down the stairs to clean up some of the mess that I had made. We had literally dropped all of our bags around the living room and left them there to clean up later. Stuff spilled from the bags onto the floor, in a way that Mercedes would never allow. I had to get it together.

I rushed to straighten up the living room but I wasn't fast enough because the doorbell rang just as I put some of the bags into the hallway closet.

"Oh God, oh God..." I glanced around wide-eyed and I decided that it would have to do. Feeling a little drunk and a lot frazzled, I pushed out a chest full of air and rushed to the door just as the doorbell rang again.

"I'm coming," I called out, giggling at how my choice of words sounded. I checked my reflection in the mirror smoothing some of my lip gloss with my pinky before pulling the door open. My excitement had my entire body buzzing and a bright smile lit up my face.

Of course, that was until I looked up, only to see Nick standing behind Santana.

Recognition dawned in her eyes as she looked me over and then she quickly glanced back at Nick.

"Can we come in?" She said, looking a bit embarrassed.

I stepped back and watched as Nick pushed past Santana mumbling about having to drain his snake or whatever, leaving me and Santana in the doorway.

"You-" I began to say but she beat me to it.

"I shouldn't have brought him. I um, this thing that we have, don't think I don't feel it. Well up until today, I thought I was the only one that felt it but judging by your face when you saw him, I think we should just acknowledge it. It was a jerk move not warning you. I'm sorry, we can go." She said, looking like she wanted to crawl under a rock. "He actually invited himself, I didn't think. I'm sorry, B."

I pushed my feelings aside, choosing instead to acknowledge her distress. I put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed, hoping to give her some level of comfort.

"Feel free to hang out for a bit. Just, keep in mind that Dylan is sleeping and try to keep the eating each others faces to a minimum." I joked and her entire face went red remembering their make out session by the pool a few weeks ago.

"Got it."

* * *

**Tell me what you think? Thanks!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A, you're perfect. Thank you so much for this chapter!**

* * *

I followed Santana into the kitchen, while doing my best to act normal, even though I was freaking out on the inside. She had just admitted to feeling the spark between us and while I knew better than to insert myself between her and Nick, at least I knew that I wasn't crazy.

"Do you want anything?" Nick's deep voice said, knocking me out of my reverie.

"Uh...what?" I said, sliding into a chair beside the patio doors.

"I'm making a beer run, there's nothing but wine here. Did you want me to grab anything for you or the little guy?"

My skin prickled at his reference to my son. Santana looked at me for a long moment before pulling open the fridge and then giving Nick a smile.

"Grab milk and please don't speed in my car, if I get another scratch, Papi will kill me." She said, in a sugar sweet voice that made my stomach turn. It was like with Nick, she turned into a baby and it was highly unattractive.

The most attractive thing about Santana has to be her ability to be sexy and normal, her confidence is enough to make me crazy but seeing her like this, all saccharine and ditzy was maddening.

* * *

The sound of the front door closing behind Nick was probably one of the most beautiful things that I have ever heard. I was itching to talk to Santana about what she had said, so when she walked into the kitchen a few seconds later, I was on my feet and walking towards her and that was enough to make her go rigid.

Was she panicking?

"Britt, please. It wasn't a declaration of love or anything. You are just really hot and funny. I'm not gay." She said, turning from me and pouring herself the last of my wine.

I froze in place, my heart aching, as I stared at her back and tried my best to control whatever I said next.

"What are you so afraid of?" I asked, finally. She kept her back turned as she sipped from her glass. At first, I wasn't sure if she heard me but then her shoulders dropped and she nodded to herself. "Please?" I asked.

She finally turned around, tears in the brims of her eyes, nostrils flared as she smiled really hard. I knew the method she was using, it was a whole diversionary tactic to convince the brain that sadness isn't the right emotion to be feeling.

I saw it all the time in my patients and now I saw it from her.

She took a deep breath and then turned again, grabbing an unopened bottle of wine and uncorking it in a matter of moments. With ease, she poured herself more wine and then filled up my used glass.

Once she had a glass of wine in her hand, she headed out to the patio, knowing that I would follow her without argument because I wanted an answer.

And boy did she give me one.

* * *

"I'm not sure if you remember this but I have lived all over the world, I've seen a lot of things. The place that should interest you the most, is that I have actually lived in the Netherlands." She sipped from her wine as she let that bit of information soak in, not that I was supposed to get much from that.

"Okay." I said, watching her fidget in her chair before continuing.

"We lived near where the three countries meet, Benelux. I think it was."

"I hope you are getting around to answering my question." I said, frustrated with her story already. She sighed and then drank half of her goblet of wine before continuing.

"My parents were both devout in their beliefs and being in a place that was so different, was hard for them as parents. We weren't raised to judge but we were definitely raised with a certain set of beliefs. I had a brother once, he fell in love with a guy from Luxemburg and brought him back to the base. He paraded him around in front of my father and his mates. We transferred soon after, to Japan and he stayed behind. Before we left, my father made sure that he knew that he was out of the family. I was ten and I haven't seen nor heard from my brother since. So when you ask me what I'm afraid of, know that loving you or even liking you a little bit is enough to be afraid for my life."

* * *

I looked down at the water while I absorbed her fear and her sadness, wanting to pull her close and tell her that if she chose me, I would protect her from every harsh thing in the world but I knew that even if she was willing, she was definitely unavailable.

She looked down at her empty wine glass, her cheeks flushed and her hair dangling in her face, obscuring the view of her beauty from me but even like this, she was radiant. I could see her pain and her very reasonable fear and I never wanted her more.

"I'm sorry." I whispered, reaching over to her and taking her free hand into mine. She lifted her head and glanced at me from under the curtain of curls.

"Why?" She said, squeezing my hand. "I feel this thing too, it's not the first time and it sure won't be the last."

"Shit, I'm not sure if I should feel honored or hurt." I said, trying to make a joke but judging from the glare she shot me, she didn't take it too well.

"For the record, the way I feel about you, is different from small crushes on girls over the years. Being around you makes me feel like nothing else in this miserable existence is as important."

Our eyes met and our hands tightened around each other, it was like fireworks and fizzy pop all in one. Never before had I felt such a connection and I just had to tell her how much it meant to me.

"I-" But then the spell was broken.

"Hey, I'm back, Brittany this little guy was wandering around the living room looking for you." Nick said.

I turned and saw Dylan, his shorts soaked and his face red.

"Oh schat, what happened?" I said and like a switch was turned on, he began to cry.

"I'm sorry, Mam!" He whimpered. "It was the swimming dream."

I looked back at Santana but could see that her face was again down and her hands were clutching the glass so tight that I was sure it would break.

"Come on, schat. Let's get you cleaned up."

* * *

By the time that I got back downstairs, nearly a full hour had passed. Dylan had insisted on a warm bath and then a bedtime story before I tucked him in my bed. I tried to leave but he insisted that I stay until he fell asleep. It took way longer than usual and I think it was because he knew I had company.

The downstairs was completely dark with the exception of the television. I saw that Nick was passed out on the couch, his arms around Santana. My heart clenched at the sight of them so closely wound around each other but I didn't have that right.

She wasn't mine, so instead, I made my way into the kitchen and poured myself a healthy glass of red wine before heading back out towards the living room to shut off the television. I hadn't intended for them to stay but if they were going to, I wasn't going to stop them.

It's not like Mercedes would mind.

Before turning off the television, I glanced back at them and could see that Santana didn't look comfortable. She was curled up in a ball, her feet dangling over the edge, with a scowl on her face and right then and there, I vowed that no matter what it took, she would be mine and I would make sure that she never went to sleep with that kind of face again.

I was either a hopeless romantic or hopelessly deluded.

But I was also a dreamer and if my dreams could get me back to Florida, then I knew I could do anything.

Including getting the girl.

* * *

"So let me get this straight, you are telling me that Santana Lopez, a girl who I've known for years to be straight, and downright promiscuous, has feelings for you?" Mercedes said in shock.

It was early Monday morning and the office was empty except for me because Lisa took the day off for yet another family emergency. After awkwardly cleaning up after Nick and Santana, who had escaped before I woke up, I got a cryptic text from Santana asking if she could take me and Dylan to the beach that afternoon but I ended up turning her down.

With tons of wine in me, I was ready to steal her from a tower, guided by her long silky hair but sober, I was having second thoughts. Nick was a big guy and also, Colin's best friend. That just didn't seem like the kind of situation that I wanted to be a part of. I had bigger things to deal with and while Santana was amazing, she wasn't worth my relationship with my son or the job that I had come here to do.

At the end of it all, she just wasn't worth the trouble.

"Yea. At first, I was ready to fight for her but after she told me about the brother that she isn't allowed to acknowledge because he's gay, I just decided that it was best to just leave it all alone. She has Nick and I have Dylan and work."

"Among other things." Mercedes said, sounding like she was leading to something.

"What do you mean by-" I was in the middle of asking when the door to the office opened. Lisa had cancelled all of her appointments, she had promised me that she took care of it but from the look of one Quinn Fabray, strolling in at her usual time, I could tell that she just may have forgotten one. "Shit, 'Cedes, let me call you back." I rushed out.

"Don't think you can not talk to me about what's going on, Britt. I know there is more to this than you are letting on. I can sense it."

"Right, right. We'll talk, I promise. Gotta go. Bye!" I said, anxiously hanging up the phone as Quinn lingered.

* * *

"Wait, so she's not here? Like at all?" Quinn said, her green eyes turning cold. "Do you know that I have a test to be studying for and I came here, on time! This is unacceptable!" She snapped.

"I'm sorry." I said, feeling helpless.

"That's it, you're sorry? Do you fucking know how hard it is to maintain dean's list while working on a law degree? Do you know how much I have sacrificed to maintain this STUPID appointment?"

I cringed at her tone and shook my head, not sure how to answer her.

"I'm sorry, really. What do you want me to do about it?"

She stood there, looking almost through me and then leaned over the desk.

"I came here to talk and I can't do that without someone to listen, so I guess you are going to have to stop finger-banging yourself for five minutes and come listen to me. Garelli told me you have a psychology degree and you have had clients. So come on, shrink me, Dutchie." She said, a nasty smirk on her face.

"Um...are you sure?" I asked, as I shuffled the papers on my desk.

"Positive. It will be our little secret and shit, maybe you can help me finally work through some of this anger."

* * *

Quinn had gone on and on about her school work and how she has a guy that keeps pestering her for sex at every waking moment. She is starting to feel like she should get a restraining order but really doesn't have the time or energy.

Every time that I tried to get a word in, she would cut me off and go on another tangent about some tragedy in her life. A broken nail, a rude look, and how disgusted she is by the heathens walking around campus. For the first time, I was finding it super hard to feel bad for her.

I mean if these are the problems that she comes to Lisa with, no wonder she's constantly back, she doesn't seem to deal with the root of her problems. Just listening to her is enough to drive a person insane.

After finally getting her to leave, her proclaiming how much better she felt and me feeling like I wanted to crawl out of my skin, I made a stop to the store at grab a jug of wine. Dylan was having his first sleep over out tonight and I was going to need something to occupy my time.

Between Santana laying heavy shit like her brother and homophobic family; Quinn dropping a bunch of tripe about petty bullshit; and Mercedes not due to be home for two more days, I was feeling like I needed to mute the world.

I climbed up the steps to the porch and was about to open the door, when I noticed a letter that had my name on it stuck to the screen. At first, I thought it was from Santana and I felt a mixture of excitement and dread but nothing could have prepared me for what was inside.

* * *

"Oh I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts, de de de, there they are a standing in a row! Big ones, small ones! Some as big as your head!" I sang out before gulping down the last of my glass. The Lion King had always been my stress reliever but right now, Zazu and company weren't enough to drown out the woes that were weighing me down. With this newest development, there was no way that I could not stress out, I was grateful to have a night to myself because had I got the letter with Dylan around, I don't know how I would have responded.

The envelope and the slip of paper that had been inside of it were both crumpled on the table, my throat went dry as I looked at the scribble on the page. And if reading it once wasn't enough, I picked it up and I read it again for the trillionth time in the last however long.

"Dear Brittany," I read aloud. "You're back in Florida! I want to see my son, Dylan, right? Call me. 904-555-6166."

A bark of laughter left me as I poured more wine in my glass, thinking about how stupid I was to be concerned about some girl when I had bigger fish to fry. Years worth of growth and development, years of therapy and schooling, all to distance myself from a mistake that changed my life could not have prepared me for this moment.

"Cheers, Simba! At least you figure it all out in the end!"

"Brittany?" I turned too quickly and ended up making my stomach lurch.

"Oh God!" I groaned just before emptying my stomach all over the floor and the couch and at one point, the inside of my shirt. "I think I'm going to be sick." I mumbled as I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand.

"Oh honey, You already were."

"I'm sorry, let me clean it, I'm going to clean it." I muttered as I attempted to stand up. My head was bopping around on my shoulders.

"No. Don't move. You stay right there."

"Okay. Please don't be mad at me."

"Lord have mercy, Brittany just sit there and stop talking."

"But-"

She held up her hand to silence me and I just sucked in my bottom lip and did my best not to dissolve into tears.

* * *

I sat in a daze while Mercedes silently cleaned up my mess. Thankfully the leather couch was able to be wiped down, as was the coffee table but the carpet was probably trash, add one more thing I need to worry about.

Once she was done with everything else, she shuffled me into the downstairs bathroom and pushed me into the shower, clothes and all. I didn't protest for one second because I knew just how bad this was and just how upset she was. This was not the way a mother should behave and not how she wanted to be greeted upon coming home.

How had everything gotten so screwed up and more important, how did he find me?

The water pounded down on me as I helped Mercedes to peel my vomit covered clothes from my body. She was getting soaked right along with me but she didn't seem to care about that. You'd think that she had done this a million times before.

"I love you." I said, once she had pulled my shirt over my head and dropped it to the floor. The squelching sound it made, had my stomach turning but she just kept right on helping me out of my clothes.

"I love you too, which is why you are going to keep your promise to me. Right?"

"Promise?"

I looked at her sideways, stepping out of my underwear and watching as clumps of vomit fell from my hair. Mercedes screwed up her face and then pushed me under the water.

"On the phone earlier, you promised that we would talk and now that I've come home early just to check on you, only to find you like this. You owe me not just a talk but a full explanation on everything that happened six years ago and what the heck is going on with you now. Got it?"

I nodded, feeling thoroughly scolded, knowing that she was right. Shit had been bad tonight and six years ago, it had been even worse and I knew that she was right.

I owed her an explanation, even if it killed me.

"Okay. Anything you say, 'Cedes."

"Good, now turn around so I can wash your hair."

* * *

**Tell me what you think? **


	7. Chapter 7

**As always, special thanks to my awesome beta A. And thank you all for the reviews! **

* * *

"Well, look who decided to show up. Seems that you have managed to piss off both Lisa and Mrs. Davis." A voice said from the waiting area.

Quinn stared at me and I just nodded, not wanting to tell her where to shove her observations.

"Thanks." I muttered, before making my way to my work station. A picture of Dylan and my parents smiled up at me and I smiled back. The picture had been snapped on my son's last birthday, right before the opportunity to move to America had presented itself. What I wouldn't give to go back to that moment.

So much had changed and now with the popping up of Dylan's father, it seemed things would never be as I had hoped.

"Ms. Pierce?"

"Hmm." I responded looking up into the eyes of none other than Mrs. Davis.

"I'm glad that you made it in." She said, squinting her eyes at me. "Are you unwell?"

I'm not sure if it was the look she was giving me or the way that she glanced down at the picture with a small smile but something inside of me broke and for the second time in less than two hours, I was weeping again. Her arm came around me and she shuffled me towards the back.

"I'm fine." I said through my tears, as we walked into her office.

"No, you're not. Have a seat."

I was so embarrassed. This was so not the first impression that I wanted to make.

* * *

The walls of Mrs. Davis' office were painted a pale blue color and there were glow in the dark stars on every part of them. The furniture was all white as was the floor, which gave off the appearance of being among the clouds.

I found myself staring at my feet, tears dripping from the tip of my nose as I tried to contain myself but it wasn't working. Despite the feeling of floating, which would have normally made me giggle like a lunatic, I was despondant.

"Tell me why you are hungover in the middle of the week, Brittany."

I looked up at her, shock filling me as she stared at me from just across the coffee table. There were so many scenarios playing through my head of how this could go and in all of them, I get fired and lose my scholarship, forced to move back home with my tail between my legs.

All I knew was that now was not the time to lie, besides this was the same woman who had read my letter. She knew what I had been through, I had no choice but to be honest.

"Dylan's father contacted me. He wants to meet him. I'm not sure how but he knows were we live. I...I'm not sure I feel safe anymore. I got scared and I drank way too much." I blurted out.

"Do you drink like this often?" She asked, the consummate professional.

"No. Never. Dylan is too important to me."

She nodded, satisfied with my answer.

"Good." She pushed a box of tissues closer to me and I took a handful, burying my face into them for a moment before looking back up at her.

"I'm so sorry that I was late and that I showed up like this. I know that it is not how we should be meeting for the first time. I hope this doesn't reflect badly on me."

Our eyes met and she just stared.

At me or through me, I wasn't certain.

"Brittany. I must admit that I'm sorely disappointed that you were late and that you didn't call to inform anyone. That is not something that I can tolerate. You are distressed and this is the home of dealing with that sort of thing. So please know, that calling and informing the office is paramount to your staying an employee in this office. Understood?"

There was a lump in my throat but I just nodded, fighting back the tears that were threatening to take over.

"Yes, Mrs. Davis."

"Additionally, this situation that you find yourself in will not be remedied by overindulging yourself. I know that you are young and that you left your parents behind but that is no excuse. You fought to get here and make a life for not only you but for your son and you owe it to yourself to fight to stay here."

"But how?" I whined, wiping at a new crop of tears.

"There are countless ways but getting drunk, on a weeknight no less, is not the way. I expect more from you and I'm sure your parents do too."

I nodded, thinking that maybe talking my parents would do a world of good.

"You're right. I'm sorry. This won't happen again. I promise."

"Good to hear. Now that we have settled that. I want you to go home and sleep it off. Call your parents and work through this. Tomorrow, I expect to meet the Brittany that wrote that terrific essay."

"So I'm not fired?" I asked, feeling my heart go from a dull thud to a racing beat.

"No and you won't be as long as you respect that you are here to accomplish a dream."

"I will. Thank you again, Mrs. Davis."

* * *

When I got back home, Mercedes was already gone and I was left to an empty house until she got back and while I had promised Dylan that we would always call my parents together, I knew that this was a conversation that I needed to have with them on my own.

I dug through a bottle of pills and swallowed two dry before pulling out my laptop and slipping into my bed. I needed as much comfort as I could get.

It didn't take long for them to answer the Skype call and I was kind of surprised about that. Normally they wouldn't even be home but for some reason I had just wanted to try.

"Hey Britt."

"I didn't think you would be home," I said in a way of greeting. My eyes burned from holding back my tears.

"It's our anniversary...didn't you call for that?" Mom asked.

I shook my head and burst out in tears, feeling like the worst daughter in the world for forgetting about their anniversary.

"Ge-feli-ci-t-teerd," I sobbed between cries.

"Hey...what's wrong baby girl?" Dad asked, worry laced in his voice.

"I messed up so bad and I forgot about your anniversary and I feel like the worst daughter in the world for that!" I cried even harder and I could practically feel my parents stare at me.

"How did you mess up Brittany?"

"I don't...I'm so overwhelmed mom...I screwed up at work and I got a note from Kevin...I just want to go home."

For a moment there was only the sound of me crying and I could feel myself start to hyperventilate as I tried to stop crying.

"You got a note from him?"

"He wants to meet Dylan." I closed my eyes tightly and wiped at them. When I opened my eyes again my parents were looking at each other.

Mom was the first to look back at me. "You need to get yourself together Britt...I know you can handle this...and even though it's a lot right now you're not alone. You have Mercedes there and I'm sure her boyfriend is really nice and would help where he can."

"I don't know." I sniffled and cleared my throat.

"You do and you're going to ask for help, okay? There are people there who want to help you but they are waiting for you to come ask them because you've always said that you can do it on your own. Look honey, we know that it's hard...it's hard for us too to see you like this but you have to woman up and get through this."

"But mom..."

"Don't 'but mom' me, you are strong enough to get this done. You begged us to let you go back and now that you're there, you're going to make an awesome life for you and Dylan. But you have to get through the hard stuff first. Okay?"

"Okay."

"And you need to stop feeling bad about everything. We get that you're busy and that you're still getting settled in there. It's going to be busy for a while Britt and if you forget something it's fine, okay?"

"It's not, though. I should've at least remembered something about this."

"Stop. Okay? Just stop, because nothing is going to change with you kicking yourself over forgetting something." Mom looked at the screen sternly and I couldn't help but smile a little.

"I love you mom. I love you dad."

"We love you too honey."

"I'm sorry for crying all over you," I said.

"That's okay honey. There's nothing to be sorry for. We're your parents and we want to help you however we can."

"I know..." I cleared my throat and then wiped my eyes. "I'm going to send you the best gift ever okay?"

* * *

Exhausted from my conversation with my parents, I sank into my pillows and allowed sleep to take over, hoping that I would wake up feeling more like myself.

Unfortunately for me, sleep didn't last long. There was a banging on the door downstairs that jerked me from my sleep. My headache was gone but my body felt gross.

The banging continued and so I shuffled into sneakers and made my way down the stairs. I only made it three steps down when I froze. The benefit of the door was the tiny, tinted window that sat just above it, which allowed me to see out.

A head of dark brown curls that were almost identical to my son's bounced on a head when the knocking persisted. He had come back and I refused to confront him.

I was ill prepared for whatever wrath he had while sober and clearheaded but dealing with him hungover was suicide.

After one last attempt to break the door down, he stopped and slipped another envelope through the mail slot. I watched as he walked off the porch and climbed into the passenger seat of a black SUV and even though he couldn't see me when he glanced at the house as they were pulling away, I still ducked down in fear.

* * *

Two hours later, bundled up on the couch with a glass of wine danging from my fingers, the door opened. Elation filled me at the sight of Mercedes, at least until her smile dropped when she saw what I was holding and then the questions started.

"Why are you home?"

"Mrs. Davis sent me home. She knew I was hungover."

"You look like crap." She shook her head. "and from the looks of it, you don't learn. You should be drinking water."

"It doesn't matter. I'm home and it's just one glass." She hovered over me as I drained the glass and handed it to her. "See, there, I'm done. I was just trying to get rid of this headache." I tried to justify. "I'll be sober when I pick up Dylan."

She put the glass on the table and slid onto the couch beside me.

"Don't worry about Dylan, Colin is picking him up. He, Nick, and Santana are taking Dylan and Christian to a movie."

"Nick and Santana?" I groaned, rolling my eyes and crossing my arms over my chest. Mercedes looked more annoyed than I had ever seen her.

"Yes, they are in a better state of mind than you are at the moment. So now that all your excuses are taken care of. Let's talk."

I threw myself back against the couch and glared at her but she didn't seem fazed by my antics.

"Fine."

* * *

Mercedes made us lunch and we headed out to the patio, she says that it is so that I feel comfortable but I know that it has more to do with being able to push me in the pool if I try to run!

I picked over my salad while trying to think of the best place to start when there was a banging on the front door. It was faint but it was still loud enough for us both to hear. Mercedes went to get up but I managed to grab her hand.

"Don't." I pleaded.

"Why not?" She looked me over and then realization dawned on her. "You think it's him?"

"I know it is. He was here earlier, banging the same way. Just, please let him go. I'm not ready to deal with him just yet." I begged.

She looked towards the house but then eventually nodded and slid back into her chair.

"Okay, fine but you need to talk already. I've waited long enough."

"It's all simple really. I went to that party with my cousin, it was her graduation party. I don't know if you remember it." She shook her head and shrugged but I just continued.

"Anyway, I managed to get some alcohol and that was all it took to get me to start pealing of layers of clothes. It started innocent but the more I drank, the more I stripped and I was developing an audience. I began dancing and they even threw money at me. My cousin found me and forced me to put my clothes back on."

"Good." Mercedes whispered, looking at me in horror.

"Yea, well, once I was dressed, she left me alone again and I ended up in the backyard with a group of guys, showing them my dance moves. They had already seen the show I put on inside and I knew they wanted more but I kept my clothes on this time. I was a thirteen year old kid that was being shown attention by high school kids, it was a big deal. There was this guy, Kevin. He had the darkest green eyes, like shamrock green. So pretty. He told me he was fifteen but I later found out he was seventeen. We ended up on the other side of the fence somehow, with nothing but the woods behind us."

"Did he force himself on you?" She asked, her voice cracking and tears in her eyes at the prospect of my innocence being stolen from me.

"I started it, I got him back there, even if I wasn't really sure what came next. I was stupid enough to think he would just be okay making out with me. He wanted more and so I gave it to him. There was no violence or threats. He asked and I agreed."

"And you got pregnant."

"I did and I lied to everyone, the social workers came and were talking about my parents possibly getting in trouble for allowing underage drinking and sex. So I lied."

"Huh?"

"I told everyone that he raped me and he went to prison for it. I got threats from his family after that and so my parents decided to move me away."

"Oh my goodness, Brittany."

"I know. I know." I groaned burying my face in my hands. "I'm so lost and now he's back and he wants to meet Dylan. I feel so stuck and guilty for getting him arrested. I know I have to give in to him but I'm terrified of what he might do."

"You should be."

* * *

**Tell me what you think?**


	8. Chapter 8

**Things are going to become clear when the story is ready for it, until then, please bare with me? Thanks! And thanks A!**

* * *

"So who's up for a drink?" Lisa said after I had powered down my machines for the weekend. Most of the office was back from summer break, in anticipation of the beginning of the semester and from what I could tell, they all were very close. I did my best to fade into the background and so when Lisa came out into the common area and made the announcement that she was treating us all to dinner and drinks in honor of the semester, I tried to quietly pack up so I could slip out unnoticed but I wasn't so lucky. "Brittany? Are you coming out tonight?"

They all looked at me expectantly but I just looked toward Mrs. Davis' closed office door, remembering being hungover just two days before and shook my head. Besides, I had other things to do that were much more important than drinking and I was happy to have the excuse, frankly.

"No can do, I promised Dylan that I'd take him to the beach this weekend. Another time though?" I said, giving my best and brightest grin. They all smiled and waved as they filed out of the office and I felt relief wash over me. At least getting out of things at work was easy. If only the rest of my life worked that way.

_**Hey, I haven't heard from you. I hope we can hang out soon.-Santana**_

I looked down at the text message that appeared on my screen as I made my way toward the old church that sat two blocks from school and four blocks from home. She was right, ever since the whole incident when Nick acted like an ass, I had been avoiding her and truth be told I missed her face. Mercedes had made it a point to meet with her elsewhere or while I was at work, so it was easy to avoid her, especially since I never answered her texts.

There were just too many important thing going on and dealing with the drama of Santana was just not one of them.

* * *

I got to the practice field behind the church just as the coach was blowing his whistle. All of the kids began to clean up the equipment from their activities and began to head towards the basketball court. I waited in the parent pick-up area and watched as the kids sat down and looked up at the coaches.

"It's been a great summer and I pray that you have all learned more than just a sport but a love for fellowship. It has been great to get to know all of you and I hope that you decide to stay with us throughout the year, if that's not possible, I hope we get to see you next year. Good luck in the upcoming school year. Make good choices and do good for others. Let us pray."

The kids bowed their heads and the combined sounds of their voices praying, created a hum among them. I spotted Dylan off to the side, his hands folded and his eyes squeezed shut and couldn't resist the urge to pull out my phone. It was moments like this, when I was grateful that I had him. There was an endless amount of pride and love that flowed from me when I saw him like this and I knew my parents felt the same way.

"Okay guys, all together."

The kids all linked hands, in the prayer that I had seen before and began to all speak in one voice.

"Dear Lord, as we leave this place, provide us with your mercy and your traveling grace. Watch over our families and our friends from the day's beginning to the day's end. In your precious name, Amen!"

I wiped a tear from my eye before Dylan could see me. He had insisted that I not embarrass him which meant no crying and no calling him baby but schat was okay because nobody knew Dutch. It had become our own secret language.

Dylan spotted me and gave me a wave, looking more and more like a big kid than when we first got here. I found myself wishing that I could keep him small forever but just like always, time would fly and he would just get older and older. More tears came and I quickly wiped them away, as bad as it may sound, I was happy that he would at least start behind a year until he caught up with the kids here. For that small amount of time, he would be a little kid again and it would be okay to hold his hand and call him baby because in kindergarten, everyone does it.

Him being put with his age group in camp, had aged him and it made me sad but I couldn't allow my emotions to overpower me. I was supposed to be happy.

And so, despite the tears that were still trying to come, I smiled and held out my hand to my son.

"Hi Mam! Did you hear? Coach said that I could come back next year!"

"Is that what you want?"

"Yes! He said that I am a natural! I don't know what that means but that's good right? I can come back?"

I pulled him into a quick hug before ruffling his hair and smiling down at all of his excitement. The further we got away from the eyes of his friends, the more childlike he became as he bounced along beside me, tossing his football into the air.

"That's awesome, schat! Of course you can come back!"

"Really?" He said, stopping and staring at me.

I laughed and nodded.

"If the coach says you are a natural, who am I to get in the way of your greatness."

He smiled and then paused again.

"What does it mean that I'm a natural, Mam?"

"It means that you're naturally good at it and when you grow up you're going to be even better!"

"Better than Colin?!" He said in shock.

I put my finger to my lips.

"Shhh, our little secret."

He nodded.

"Do you think I'll be better than him, Mam?" He whispered.

"Definitely." I whispered back.

"Awesome!"

He stepped back with that big smile still on his face and he held out his hand.

"Yep. Okay, schat, lets get moving. It's getting late."

"We have to get ready for the beach, right?!"

"Right!"

* * *

When we got home, Colin was in the front yard cutting the grass and bumping along to his headphones. His eyes lit up when he saw us and he turned off the mower.

"Hey, bud! How was your last day of camp?"

"Great! Coach said that my rushing yards are better and that I should work on becoming a running back or a tight end."

"Yea? I'm a tight end. Did you know that?"

Dylan's jaw dropped and then his face lit up.

"Really? That's so cool!"

"Did you manage to get her bag packed?" I asked Colin. He nodded and then shrugged.

"You may want to look it over, girls have so much more stuff then guys. I'm sure I forgot something."

"No problem. Did you eat?"

"Not yet."

"I'm going to make sandwiches. You want one."

"Sure, thanks Britt!" He said, before going back to cutting the grass.

* * *

Dylan walked ahead of me up the steps, his excitement suddenly gone for some reason. Once we were inside, he slumped onto the couch and looked down at his hands.

"What's on your mind baby?" I asked, kneeling in front of him and tipping his chin up so that he would look at me. At first, he tried to fight it but then the tears dripped from his eyes.

"It's just not fair." He whispered.

"What's not fair?"

He looked up with those big sad eyes and sighed again. "One of the boys was talking about all the cool things he did with his dad and all the other boys started talking about their dads. Why don't I have one? It's just not fair."

"You have a dad, Dylan. He's just not around."

"Yea? Why not? Does he not want me?"

"What?! How could anyone not want you?"

"Where is he? Where's my dad?"

I didn't know how to answer him, what could I say? How could I tell him that his dad wanted him when I didn't even know Kevin's motivations. What if he just wanted to see him, meet him and then he never called him. What if he ruined the bit of happiness that I had been able to give my son on my own.

"I...I'm sorry baby," I said.

"I have a real dad right?"

"Yes, you do baby."

"Can I meet him? Please?" He said, his lip quivering and my heart exploding.

"Dylan..." I shook my head and looked at him apologetically but I didn't know what to tell him about his dad. "It's not that simple."

"It is. Is he back home? Is that why it's not simple?"

"No."

"Where is he?"

"Somewhere in Florida." I admitted, not wanting to lie to my son.

"Then you can find him?" His eyes lit up, I had given him hope.

"Maybe."

"Awesome!" He said, wiping his face and smiling. "I'm going to go pack. Thanks, Mam! Ik hou van je."

"Ik hou ook van jou."

The moment he was upstairs, I leaned my face on the spot he had been sitting, muffling my sobs with the couch cushion. I felt like screaming, and cursing!

I had boxed myself in.

Stupid, stupid hope.

* * *

After I composed myself, I made my way to the kitchen. Hoping to distract myself enough with making sandwiches for the three of us but thoughts of Kevin and what I had done to him pervaded my thoughts. I didn't know anything about him, just that he had gone to jail for four years on statutory rape charges and even when you get out, I know that's not just something that will go away.

How stable could he be? Was he working? Did he have any other kids? Was he married? Was he religious? Would he hurt us?

So many questions and not enough time in the day to figure them out on my own. The look in Dylan's eyes when I had given him that splash of hope was beginning to haunt me and tear me apart inside. A lump formed in my throat as I finished up the sandwiches and poured lemonade for Colin and Dylan, pouring myself a healthy glass of wine instead.

I had to let Kevin see his son, that much I was sure of. It was the least that I could do for him. I just didn't know how to go about it. Fear filled me, for what I had done to him. He had begged me to drop the charges and so had his family but I had sent him to jail, too afraid for anyone to know that I had given myself to him like a piece of trash.

My face burned as I swallowed back my wine, wanting to numb the feelings that were overwhelming me. As I poured my second glass of wine, I took deep breaths and told myself that I would be okay. I told myself that I would figure it out.

And as I drained the glass, not an ounce of relief filled me.

* * *

"Hey Britt?" Colin's voice reached the kitchen before I could see him and I smiled when he appeared in the doorway, having rinsed my glass and poured myself lemonade. The last thing that I needed was him to tell Mercedes that I was drinking in the afternoon.

"Hey, your sandwich is ready. Did you finish the grass, already?"

"Yep."

I heard feet pounding down the stairs and could see that Colin was anxious to say something. He called out to Dylan with chuckle.

"Did you wash your hands?"

I heard a sigh and then feet pounding back up the stairs.

"Thanks." I said, chuckling.

"Anytime. Football is a dirty sport. So uh...how's everything going with you?"

"Fine. Why?"

"Nothing really, there was just this guy on campus today looking for you. I didn't know who he was so I didn't say anything. I just thought you should know."

"What?" I asked, my throat closing up again. "What did he say?"

"Not much. He was just asking around for a girl named Brittany Pierce. He had this old picture of you and everything. Luckily, not many people know you yet."

"Yeah, luckily." I knew it was Kevin who'd asked around. It made my nerves even worse.

"I just want you to know, that if somebody is messing with you. I've got your back. You and Dylan are important to me and I'll protect you with my life."

"All clean, see!" Dylan said, coming into the room with his hands out for inspection.

"Great job, your mom just made us awesome sandwiches. Make sure you thank her."

"Duh." Dylan said as he sat at his plate and bowed his head to pray.

* * *

Dylan and Colin spent the rest of the meal talking about football while I sat quietly picking at my food with my thoughts centered on Kevin and I could feel a nervous flutter in my stomach thinking about him and the changes he was going to bring to my life.

I wasn't used to sharing my son's affections and now I would have to. When my phone rang, an unknown number on my caller id and pulled me out of my thoughts.

I frowned down at my phone and then looked at Colin and Dylan before excusing myself. I walked out onto the patio and answered, having a sneaking suspicion that whoever was calling wasn't someone that I wanted to talk to. The only people in America that had my number were Mercedes, Colin, Santana and the people at work but knowing that Kevin was asking around, I knew it was probably him.

"Hello?"

"Brittany? Brittany Pierce?" A woman's voice asked. For a moment I felt relief, it wasn't Kevin.

"Yes? Who's this?"

"It's Maura, Kevin's mother..."

My heart picked up pace and my knees started shaking so bad that I had to sit down. I was speechless as I closed my eyes and nodded my head. This was happening.

God help me.

"Hi." I said once I found my voice again. "How did you get this number?"

"I got it from one of your coworkers, thankfully they were willing to be more forthcoming than you have been."

"Oh." My stomach dropped, knowing that someone had given out my number without my permission. I knew for a fact that it was against policy and even though what's done is done, Mrs. Davis would be hearing about this and I hope that whoever did it, gets fired. "Okay." I whispered.

I mean, what was I supposed to say to the woman, who's son I sent to prison with a lies.

"Look, this game you are playing with my son has got to stop. It's not fair to that little boy that you are keeping his father from him."

"That's not what I'm doing." I squeaked. "Honest."

"Right because you've always been so honest, Brittany." Her words stung but I didn't have the heart to hang up on her like I should have.

"I'm sorry."

"Of course you are and that's why you are going to make this right. Ever since Kevin found out that you were back in town, he has wanted to fix what has been broken. He just want a chance to get to know his son...he's depressed, angry and irrational. I...I need you to fix this before it gets worse, I want my son to be my son again. He had finally healed and now you are about to break him...again."

"Um...I. I'm sorry."

My throat closed up and I felt tears in my eyes. At one point I had liked Kevin and even though I was scared of what he might do, I figured that I owed him the chance to get to know Dylan, even if it hurt.

"Promise me that you will fix this."

"I'm...um, I'll do my best. I promise."

The line went dead and I released a sob as I threw my phone as hard as I could across the patio.

"Fuck!" I groaned, burying my head in my hands. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!"

* * *

"Britt?" A voice called, my head was pounding from crying myself to sleep in such an uncomfortable position. "Wake up, it's time to get going."

I opened my eyes, to a concerned Mercedes hovering over me.

"Where's Dylan?"

"He's out front with Colin tossing the ball around. Did you drink today?" She asked as she looked me over.

"A little." I groaned, stretching my arms above my head and then rubbing the salt from my eyes.

"How little?"

"Two glasses."

"Is that what happened to your phone?" She said, handing me my phone, it's screen cracked in three places.

"Shit."

"Colin said you took a call, then started cursing and then you fell asleep. Who called you?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Britt? Don't shut me out."

"Fuck, I'm not. Can we just go, please? We can talk later."

"Fine. I'm going to hold you to that."

"I know." I mumbled, not even caring anymore.

* * *

We got to Colin's family beach house around nine that night, Dylan was fast asleep in the big bed we would be sharing, while the lovebirds were taking a nighttime stroll on the beach.

I watched Dylan as he lay asleep on the huge bed, happy since the moment that he thought he'd have a dad like everyone else. I wanted to give him everything that he needed and even if I don't think so, maybe giving Kevin the opportunity to be there for Dylan will do them both some good. I knew that Maura was right, even if she was rude when she talked to me.

I knew that it was time to make that call, no time like the present. I walked out of the room and kept the door open just a tiny bit so that I could see Dylan and hear him if he called for me. My nerves were shot and Mercedes hadn't packed any wine, this was going to have to be something I did sober and it was going to really suck.

After searching the kitchen for any alcohol I could find and coming up empty, I finally just gave in and scrolled through my phone until I found the number that Mercedes had programmed in there after our talk. She promised not to push me on calling Kevin but even she agreed that calling him was a necessity.

"Here goes nothing." I whispered to myself, tapping on my cracked phone screen before bringing it to my ear. The sound of the ringing, vibrated through me and after the third ring, I was ready to hang up but then a deep voice came through and I froze.

"Hello?"

"May I, uh, can I talk to Kevin?"

There was a long silence and then he cleared his throat.

"Brittany?"

"Um...hi," I said. "You wanted me to call."

"I did, it's nice to hear your voice finally. You sound so much more mature."

"Yea." I said. Feeling insanely nervous still.

"Look, I know that I've been aggressive in getting your attention and from the looks of it, I freaked you out."

"You did."

"I apologize for that and I'm sorry for my brother searching for you on campus. That was out of line. I really hope that you and I could have coffee sometime. I want to meet him, I want to know him."

"I know." I trailed off, my fingernail planted firmly between my teeth as I ripped its jagged edge.

"Britt?"

"Hmm?"

"Will you let me get to know my son? I'll do it at your speed. Please?"

And just like the night was conceived, Kevin asked and I answered.

"Okay."

* * *

That night, I pulled Dylan close to me and buried my face in his hair. Absorbing the smell of him and the feel of his tiny body cradled against me.

And that's when the truth of all of this hit me.

Dylan meeting his father was inevitable and I could have stood in the way and put up a fight. I could have made this hard on all of us but after everything that had happened from the moment I first left Florida and since I've returned has led to this point.

You can't change what's meant to be.

When I told my parents that I wanted to move back to Florida and they didn't put up much fight, my mother told me that certain things were inevitable. She told me that it was impossible to protect your children for all the bumps and bruises of the world but you could do your best to prepare them.

She prepared me for moving back here by helping me to become strong enough to handle being on my own and so I knew that even if I couldn't control the inevitable, I could at least prepare my son to deal with it.

To be stronger than I ever was.

* * *

We got up early the next morning and spent the entire day at the beach before heading out to a bonfire at Colin's friend's house.

Dylan rested against me, smelling of sand and sugary waffles that he had for breakfast. I was walking behind Mercedes when she stopped short.

"'Cedes, why'd you stop, he's heavy." I groaned but she was focused on whatever was in front of her.

"Santana?"

There was shuffling and then a groan.

"Hey."

"What happened to your face?"

"Um...I fell." I looked around Mercedes in enough time to catch Santana covering the purple bruise on her cheek. My heart dropped as her eyes connected with mine.

Mercedes stormed towards her and tilted her chin up. I could see from were I stood that whatever she hit looked eerily similar to a fist mark.

"No." I whispered.

"Oh hell to the no!"

* * *

**Tell me what you think?**


End file.
